HOW THE SEARCH WORKS
(Speaker) It has been the case more or less with many
people. Their lives are usually quite well recorded and they
weren’t happy people. Their search was not over. The very
things that you can think of animating yourself toward,
having ultimate bucks, all the rest of it you see, they had
those things given to them by their circumstance and still
they were unhappy. Still they were self-possessed.
So even if you achieved what you are seeking to achieve
by your various means, having achieved it, it wouldn’t be
over. But in the meantime since you haven’t achieved it, you
can imagine that that achievement would bring it all to an
end and you would be just a happy man you see. Well is that
not the illusion of seeking in general?
You have little searches that can be attained in the next
moment and you have bigger ones that take a little while
longer and you have immense ones that take you forever. It
is especially those ones that can take you a long time or
forever that are the hangers because you can keep them out
in front of you as promises that maybe will prove that the
search is alright that it can amount to ultimate union,
ultimate fulfillment, ultimate release. So it’s especially
the unattainable or the not yet attained that’s the
How often has it been said about people in their romantic
and sexual gamings that the ones that stay on your mind are
the ones that you didn’t get to do it with, the ones with
whom it didn’t quite work out you see. It’s the unachievable
ones that seem to support your illusions most. So you keep
those going too you see. That’s the game of the salesman.
That’s the game of the ego.
This is how you prevent yourself from finding out that
you’re just a seeker and the search is based on pain and is
founded on the act of separation and cannot be fulfilled.
This is how you keep yourself from finding this out because
you project some of your searches on such a large scale that
you can’t prove the point, something like physicists these
days who are theorizing about forces that are so immense
that they can’t conduct an experiment to prove their
theories or disprove them.
So the search is something like that then. The hangers
are the unachievable ones, the ones where you can’t do the
experiment to find out, the ones that you can’t just glance
at and know that it’s all pain and cannot be fulfilled. Of
course you can but you project these things out in front of
you in order to support your illusion but you don’t have to
get down to really understanding what I’m talking about.
Whereas with the sexual search it is, you know, what you
can do with someone. You know what you can do with your
present partner. But you don’t know what you could do with
You know damn well you can’t be fulfilled with your
present partner or everybody you’ve ever been with. But you
think if you could just do it with everybody or at least a
lot of them, then you’d be fulfilled. This is how the search
works. You put off the understanding of it by projecting it
into such a large or impossible scale that you can’t prove
Oh yes,yes I know. In my present intimacy everything
you’re saying, that’s completely plain to me now. I can see
that definitely but there could be somebody or there could
be some fifty in which it would be alright. So you keep
skipping off the understanding.
You see in the context of the limitations that are
excruciating or most present time that you’re not doing it
but you keep suggesting to yourself oh there’s something
else though. I can still seek in some way and on a larger
scale maybe with somebody else, whatever it may be and maybe
then it works out see? So you avoid the understanding.
If you can’t feel good in this moment when could you feel
good? How is it possible to feel good if you can’t feel good
now? Well maybe you feel some peripheral okay but apart from
that disturbed, essentially in pain, essentially under
stress feeling a subtle but profound frustration, disease,
in this circumstance.
The circumstance doesn’t account for it. There’s nothing
about the circumstance producing that. You are. It’s what
you do. Nobody’s doing it. The environment isn’t doing it.
I’m not doing it. The circumstance is not doing it. You are
doing it, nobody else, nothing else, just you.