Originally published in Crazy Wisdom
The Monthly Journal of the Johannine Daist Communion (Adidam), Vol4. NO. 9 &10, September/October, 1985.
The opening words of The Dawn Horse Testament Of Heart- Master Da Free John-“Here I AM”-say it all. On November 3 we celebrate the Feast of Incarnation, rejoicing in Heart-Master Da’s birth in this world. Through Him, the unspeakable Divine has achieved Agency for all beings, and especially for human beings. Because He is here, “all the Scriptures are now fulfilled in [our] sight, and [our] prayers are answered with a clear voice.”* This issue of Crazy Wisdom is a double celebration, delighting in the publication of The Dawn Horse Testament and in the Life-Giving Appearance of the Heart-Master Who authored it. In keeping with the remembrance of Heart-Master Da’s birth, we present here a leela from Phil Milgrom, whose birthday falls on the same date.
*. Da Free John, “Remember the One Whom God Awakens,” Vision Mound, November/December 1979, p. 6.
In November 1976,1 was invited to the Master’s residence at The Mountain of Attention for His birthday celebration. It seemed auspicious to be going on that particular day, and I was completely happy to have been invited. At one point during the evening’s festivities, I was watching Master Da when He suddenly turned and looked directly at me. He seemed to study me for a moment, and then He called another devotee over to Him. Continuing to look right at me, He seemed to be giving instructions to the other devotee, a man named Paris.
Paris came up to me and said, “The Master would like you to shave off your mustache.” I had a big handlebar mustache, and I immediately felt a twinge of resistance. Paris assured me that it was okay-several men including him had shaven in the past couple of days and they had begun to recognize that the hair on their faces had been a way of hiding or staying immune from others. I consented and Paris accompanied me into the bathroom to do the deed. Just as Paris picked up the scissors to start trimming away my mustache, the Master walked into the bathroom, demanding, “Give me those scissors!”
I couldn’t believe my eyes. The Spiritual Master was actually going to cut off my mustache Himself! The Master wasted no time, telling jokes as He clipped away at the hair on my face. He was incredibly funny. I can’t remember what He said, but He had me in stitches continuously, laughing so hard I couldn’t stand still. It felt so ordinary and intimate; the laughing relaxed all the wild energies and fear that I had been feeling around Him. I was so happy, falling all over the place laughing at His jokes. He ordered me to stop laughing because, He said, He couldn’t trim my mustache without poking me if I continued to laugh and move around so much. So I would muster all the self-control I could and discipline myself not to laugh. But as soon as I regained my composure, He would tell another joke and I would fall apart laughing all over again.
At one point in this wild hilarity, He asked me when my birthday is. When I told Him “November 3,” He chastised me in mock sternness, “You devil, you! Having your birthday on mine!” And then He laughed uproariously.
By this time He had shaved my mustache entirely off. The hilarity seemed somehow to naturally subside, and He reached over and took my glasses off. He leaned forward until His face was right next to mine, our noses almost touching. Looking right into my eyes, He very directly, very softly told me, “All you have to do is Remember Me and this practice will be easy. Remember Me. Just Remember Me.” He said it over and over and over again.
I fell completely in love with Him. All the fear, all the self- concern, everything dropped. I had never felt so in love, so emotionally moved in my life. I also felt profoundly still, deeply peaceful. I felt myself being drawn into His eyes. I could see that there was nobody there. There was no personality there at all. Looking into His eyes was like looking into infinite space, and I felt myself being drawn into it through His eyes. 1 started to tell Him about His eyes, saying “Bubba, your eyes are . . .” when He interrupted me, roaring, “Look at the mess you have made in my sink!”
I looked down to see the remnants of my mustache coating His sink. Finding myself back in the bathroom looking at something as mundane as a sink was like coming back to a forgotten planet after a long and wonderful trip to another galaxy. I felt His Humor and His Freedom embracing me. I was out of my mind with love for Him. I would have done anything for Him. I blurted out, “Oh, I’ll clean it up.” It seemed like the very least that I could do. He cracked up laughing again, laughing at me in my mindless ardor, laughing at the ridiculousness of having the Divine Vision in the bathroom, laughing at the paradox of a hairy sink appearing in the midst of infinity, laughing at God knows what. His laughter was totally intoxicating. He left the bathroom, laughing, and I wandered out and sat down across the room from Him.
People came up to me and asked me what had happened in the bathroom, and I could only respond, “The Master shaved off my mustache.” There was no way I could possibly get it together to describe what had really happened. They would just have to accept my explanation of what had apparently happened. For the rest of the evening, I continued to follow Him around, mindlessly and completely in love. At the end of the evening, after all the other guests had departed, I even followed Him into His bedroom and sat down on His bed with Him, as though I would never again be separated from Him. I had to be asked to leave. I had lost all sense of decorum, I was so blown out by Him. And even though I had to leave, I felt His Presence going with me.
For the next three days, I sat in my room meditating on Him constantly. I was out of work at the time, and I feigned illness to my roommates so that no one would bother me. I sat on my bed, contemplating a photograph of Him that was hanging on the wall. Wave after wave of bliss poured over me, and I felt a profound peace surrounding and pervading my heart. I was overwhelmed, outrageously and mindlessly happy for no apparent reason except my abiding love for Master Da. He was so obviously Bliss itself, Love itself, and He was living with me, in me, driving me to a most amazing state of happiness. I felt that His Love was existence itself.
After the third day of living in this remarkable state, I was offered a job. Jarred back into the responsibilities of ordinary life, this intense experience with Him faded. But I am bound to Master Da Free John for life by that Love.
perfect among the sages is identical with Me. There is
absolutely no difference between us”