MASTER DA: And what
do you do when you become childish? What are you as a

DEVOTEE: I act out
of weakness, and confusion, uncertainty about situations,
and… just being led, guided by circumstances. I tend to
depend on the circumstance itself and just go with it till
it ends. And in the past my relationships weren’t real. I
never made a real approach to a man. Instead, I treated them
like images as if they were imaginary and not real

MASTER DA: A child
can’t have a literal or real sexual relationship, a love
relationship with a man. Such “relationship” only occurs in
this double bind circumstance, where the association is
surrounded by guilt and becomes self?destructive and a
casual, loveless thing. At first your life?games were
self?indulgent, self?destructive, trying drugs, then sex,
then complete independence.

But the fundamental
problem, in your case, as in everyone else’s, is
irresponsibility for love as a living, bodily and consistent
human expression. On the basis of your learning, your past,
such a thing was basically not possible’, not expressed
between others when you were growing up. Such expression was
not permitted, something that you’d be shamed of or guilty
about. And so you became a sort of object in the world. When
you became sexual, you were just a sexual object, a merely
physical sexual person, not free to love.

So you got deader
and deader, more self-involved, more self-destructive. and
so you became, irresponsible for love under the force of all
of these circumstances. What you have had to come to is a
point where you can be responsive for the effect that the
conventional circumstances of the world have on you, so that
you don’t have to retreat into privacy and self-destructive
patterns, but can actually live in relationships that are
not expressions of a merely vital-physical personality,
without feeling. The whole problem in your case is to get to
the point where you can be communicative as love, as feeling
and energy in ordinary relations, including an intimate
man?woman relationship. It has either been something that
you were too guilty and oppressed to live outwardly, or
something that became purely mechanical, very worldly. So
you’ve got to be stronger than the influences that come up
in you subjectively or in your circumstances, that make you
eel guilty about sexuality in general, unloved by others,
not acceptable, not getting attention.

This the case with
everyone. Everybody has different circumstances, a different
pattern that they have to be responsible for, but it is
essentially a matter of them recoiling from the natural play
of relations and love, into exotic self?destructive
patterns, self possessed patterns. So you have your own
characteristics, the things that tend to dominate you, that
make you turn in upon yourself.

To live humanly
you’ve go to be stronger than the things that impose
themselves on you in your casual subjective life, and in
whatever circumstances around you that tend you in the same
way that your past did. And you must become less and less of
a dependent character in all kinds of ways. Be responsible
for love, for energy, for activity in the human bodily
sense. You must simply be able to love, not just when you
apparently are loved, but in all the other less enthusiastic

If you are love you
are entered into Communion with the Infinite. And that is
the difference. You turn from the egoic self-possession that
comes from infancy to the Spiritual Freedom of Divine
Communion. We must abandon our childhood in one moment and
turn into the Infinite through Love in the same moment. Then
you begin a new way of life and forget all about the rest of
it. But as soon as you turn out of the incident of Divine
Communion and begin to become animated again by your
tendencies, you become dark, you contract from the Infinite,
become full of doubt. self-possession, full of obsessive
desires and hallucination, hallucinated interpretations of
what going on in the world and in your life.

If you can be
responsible for Love then you are forgiven for all your
sins. But if you cannot, then you persist as the ego, and
you?cannot be forgiven, you cannot accept forgiveness, you
can’t accept freedom. If you can’t accept freedom, then you
can never be free of your karma.

You can polish the
mirror forever, it will never come clean. In the instant
that you presume the Divine Incident rather than the
incident of the ego, of independent existence in
consciousness, it comes clean, it is already clean, it is
vanished. As soon as you’ve enter into Divine Communion, you
are a polished mirror, white as snow, free of your sin
because you have become responsible, you are not any longer
a sinner.

You have accepted
forgiveness, you are not persisting in the ritual of your
lovelessness, your missing the mark, your turning away from
the Infinite into self?possession, self-reflection,
self-meditation. You are not saved victoriously by some
cosmic, archetypal event. Our salvation is in our own
understanding, through responsibility, through conversion of
feeling?attention back to the Infinite.

The Spiritual Master
serves this responsibility, he doesn’t make it unnecessary
or allow you to bypass that responsibility by giving you
some consoling belief. There is no forgiveness in consoling
belief, there is no freedom in consoling beliefs. When
religion is reduced to consoling belief it ceases to be
religion, to bind again, to restore unity with the Diety,
with the Infinite. There is no such restoration if we are
merely consoled, full of belief, hoping so forth.

Teachings and
considerations with Beloved Adi Da Samraj

Are Not the One Who Gets Loved


Fear of being alone

Spoiled Child


Fascination and



Sexy and

Suffering of Childhood