I was asked to write down why I do the work I do in relationship to Adi Da and his teachings on the Beezone. The primary reason is that I find Adi Da to be a most incredible teacher. My connection to him, beyond his teaching, is personal and can’t be explained, at least I can’t. My work on Beezone is about his teaching. I am a student not claiming any special knowledge or professing a relationship that is formally committed with Adi Da. The Beezone is simply about my attempt to understand his teaching and in the process share it. When I think about it, it’s like sharing your homework with someone who hasn’t done theirs. In this process of understanding, or trying to understand, Adi Da’s word – and I mean that in the most inclusive sense, his Word – I have to do certain things so I can understand him. In doing so, I have chosen many different methods, techniques, and nuances that I have found helpful.
By profession I am a teacher, and, therein, I have been trained and have the ability and impulse (when asked) to communicate what I understand. And in this case, what I understand about Adi Da.
Adi Da is not just an abstract figure, he does not live in a vacuum, he is not isolated from this place and time. He is a person (now deceased), born in New York in 1939, and his teaching has grown up and out of a culture, a worldwide culture – mostly of the United States and India.
My work on the Beezone is, as I stated earlier, primarily my homework with Adi Da and my natural ability and desire to communicate it so other people – if they have interest in exploring these matters, as I do – may understand him better, because he is not easily understood.
In my work with Adi Da’s teaching, I don’t want to dilute, change, alter, or modify the meaning of his word. I try as best I can to not get in the way, to not interpret Adi Da to fit my needs, as best I can. This effort on my part will show itself, at some point in time, to be what it is: either accurate or inaccurate. That is not for me to judge.
I am not interested in trying to convince anybody about my understanding of what Adi Da teaches. Adi Da’s person, as Guru, as a very powerful and influential and person, is questionable and doubtful to some, and so be it.
What I have understood about my relationship with Adi Da and my work with trying to understand him, is that it is not confined to any idea of him as a specific individual. In other words, I experience him and what he teaches as universal, not limited. His teaching is ecstatic and this expansiveness influences and addresses which I am, where I sit in the world; how I interact with others and the environment and also the culture, and in the biggest picture, the world. In other words what he teaches is not limited.
To finish; when I go down into the street walk, shop, talk, and be, I am in the world as if I’m in darshan with what is universally true—as Adi Da, or Ramsuratkumar, or Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, or any other person. It really, to me, doesn’t make any difference, and nor should it for anyone else. To put anyone in a box, you have to be in a box; crunched into a ball, frozen and freeze-dried.
I’m not trying to convince anybody. I have been convinced myself, and, therefore, I find it to be extremely beneficial to study and understand Adi Da. Should you be so fortunate to come in contact with him, I hope that the Beezone, in some way, form, or fashion serves your understanding of Who He Is.
That’s primarily (and simply) the WHY and WHAT of my work on Beezone.
May all Beings be Happy.
Taos, New Mexico
October 13, 2018
On a Personal Note
A friend asked me a question on the same topic and asked me to reply in a more personal manner. In response, I wrote this short reply.
FRIEND: I was wondering how all the work/service you do for Bhagavan Adi Da with Beezone impacts you personally. Your process. Your intuition. How this affects the other work, you do on Beezone, etc. If you want to share that with me?
ED: Let me see if I can give it a try. I say “give it a try” because I honestly don’t know the impact the work on doing on Beezone impacts me, I don’t, honestly. To address any effect or an impact would mean there is another part of me that is affected. I’m not trying to be cute I’m trying to be honest. I don’t have another piece my life is different from what I do. Even if I try to ‘reflect” on my work and try to make some sense of it, I find it ‘artificial’ and completely subjective and after the fact. Beezone is not so much an effort as much as it is a necessary well and source of nourishment; sustenance in the highest meaning of those terms.
I find my life to be a single process. To try and reflect on it, the subtle aspects of it always comes up short. It not unlike my mediation. If I try and ‘analyze’ or ‘view’ what it was like to sit for an hour, or so I find it impossible. To sit in meditation and ‘view,’ it means I have to ‘abstract’ myself out of the experience. So with my work on Beezone.
Yes, I have a life with Liisa and a farm to maintain, but that is aspect life. Beezone and my work/service with it are a deeper, more personal and individual. It is actually all-consuming. That’s why I say it is a single process. From the time I open my eyes – actually before I open my eyes consciousness becomes my all-consuming ‘interest.’ This ‘consciousness,’ which is actually neutral as it is just ‘aware.’ It’s not participating in anything. It’s witnessing and becoming aware of what is arising. In that witnessing, Adi Da is the most comprehensive and all-inclusive witness. His voice informs me no matter what arises. Everything I do, say, reflect and act upon is in a manner informed by his ‘voice.’ No one has ever spoken a more clear voice nor shown me a more profound truth about what is going on than him. I don’t think
I have been a ‘seeker’ and an ‘enquirer’ contemplating the phenomenon we call life. I have studied every piece of dharma and non-dharma that I have felt to be relevant to any form of true understanding. I have not been weak in my efforts. I’ve been a fool, but I’ve been no one else’s fool. I have been in environments and situations that could have killed me. I have had to dive deep into the darkest corners of my psyche and been confronted with death in the most incomprehensible and unexplainable dimensions. I have been sobered by the all-consuming nature of ego. I have been bound in the ‘double-bind’ of mind and heart screamed for help and forgiveness where the only ‘answer’ was surrendering beyond any capability on my part. I know of no answers, but I do know there is a LAW.
Most of the time I keep my mouth shut, my heart opens and watch and feel the play, the terror and insanity that runs this world. The suffering – and I mean real suffering – and confusion of ‘others’ is palpable and overwhelming. I see fearful and naked ‘ego’ trying to make sense of this life with stories of long ago. These stories are hopeful ones of the future looking for relief, as death stands in the face of it all presently alive. The only person who has ever spoken to this ‘plight’ of humanity with such Heart-Wisdom-Compassion and Outrages Laughter at the horror, folly and Absolute Truth of it all is Adi Da.
I am not an insider – not because I don’t think I could handle it – but because those who are have captured the ‘barn doors’ and positioned their righteousness to allow only ‘believers’ near. I have witnessed that those who have found their truth have also captured it and then make a claim. I have learned that ‘far and near’ are not operative when contemplating anything that can be considered ultimate or final.
At this stage of my life, I have been blessed to have handled the basics of life and no longer need to struggle with the day to day commerce. I have also been blessed to have heart-friends and lovers who honor and support the passions I have. I don’t play games – at least not for long – as I’ve got my work and that is what I do. I have no need to convince anyone of anything.
There are lessons, tests, and gifts and I have learned to understand the truth in following and participating in any one of those forms of guidance. For now, that is probably the best I can do in answering your question of “how all the work/service you do for Bhagavan Adi Da with Beezone impacts you personally.”
September 10, 2020