Seeking – Part 5 – Book 1 – Have I Said It? – Bubba Free John – selected quotes 1972-1975 – Ed Hi.

Have I Said It?

Bubba Free John (Adi Da Samraj), 1973

Note to the reader


Adi Da Samraj (Bubba Free John)

Bubba Free John (1974)…..Adi Da Samraj (2008)


Chapter 5


There is Nothing to be Attained.


There is no growth into God, Truth and Reality,

There is only God, Truth and Reality.


You cannot be more and more absorbed

Into God, Truth and Reality

It is the Principle

Of one’s life,

The God, Truth and Reality,

Not merely the goal.


It is not that

Consciousness must evolve.

Consciousness must be lived.

There is nothing to be attained.

I mean nothing.

Have I said it?

Nothing, damn it!

There is nothing to be attained.

Not one thing is to be attained.


There is not a single thing

To be attained.

Have I said it?

There is no experience,

No transformation of state.


The attitude which is the great search

Is created by a most prior error,

The failure to be already real.

The search is not the point of view

Of God, Truth or Reality

Every motive is seeking.


Every turning away is avoidance.

Every turning upwards is avoidance.

Every turning downwards is avoidance.

Every turning towards is avoidance.

All these things are seeking,

For they are not abiding now

In the form of God, Truth and Reality.


The search

Makes no sense at all.

It is an illusory

And false principle.

Only the living God, Truth and Reality avails.


There is no dilemma,

No search,

And no fulfillment

Of the search.


Life need not be tied

To seeking

And the pursuit

Of its own nature

As a goal.


Real life

Is not another form

Of seeking.

Real life

Is not a matter

Of experience and evolution.

It is to be founded

In radical present Consciousness.

Life is the wisdom of seeking,

Which is no wisdom at all.


Truth is the wisdom of no seeking,

Which is only wiser than life.

Reality is the wisdom of no-dilemma,

Which is wisdom itself.


There is nothing ultimate about life.

Its best wisdom is the knowledge

Of how to play games.


There is nothing radically useful

About Consciousness of God, Truth and Reality.

Its best wisdom is the knowledge

That all life is seeking.


Only God, Truth and Reality is a radical value

Beyond all truth and all life.

Its highest wisdom is the knowledge

That seeking and no-seeking

Are attitudes in the same dilemma.


The thing men affirm

Themselves to be

Is different from

That which they are

Actively being.

Therefore, the business

And creative activity of life

Is the activity of knowing

About what we are being;

This, rather than any search toward

Or affirmation of

What we otherwise and ultimately

May or must be.


Thus, it is to live already free,

Radically related,

Unqualifiedly alive,

Without boundaries or center,

But only situations or forms,

Only manifesting,

Which is unqualified energy

In relationship,

Which is love.


The scheme of all the universes,

Material or immaterial, high or low,

With its endless times of birth and death,

And its numberless kinds of learning,

Is itself the way and the destiny

Of all ordinary and extraordinary men.


Only those who weary of the way,

As well as every kind of escape

From the way,

Become willing to engage the divine process

In which their very life-Consciousness

Is sacrificed in its own

Condition and nature.

All others, high and low,

Are devoted to their own unending path,

From which there is no perfect relief,

Except on the day

All worlds, ages, and heavens

Dissolve in the sleep of god.


The world is seeking,

Nothing more.

Seekers are the world.

The seeker is only a reaction

To his own suffering.

The prior action,

The thing that is really

Occupying and motivating

Every man,

Is suffering itself.


The seeker

Is not a functional being.

He is eccentric.

He is elsewhere.

He doesn’t “work.”

He has no capacity for relationship,

For simplicity.

There is no love, no functional light.

The force of conscious life, of bliss,

Does not move as him.

He is always a little screwed up,

Always somehow unhappy.


Those who do not understand

Seek reality as a mystery,

And endure life as a given dilemma.

Those who do not sacrifice all things

While abiding in God, Truth and Reality

Are in turn sacrificed

Unwillingly upon it

While grasping for the answer.


For one who doesn’t understand,

Who is already unconscious,

Already bound to the principle

Of ordinary life,

Everything appears as a dilemma,

Everything implies a dilemma.


He looks at the sky—dilemma!

Life is a dilemma.

It begins to seem

That even this simple experience,

Just sitting here,

Has become a question!

It is as if the sky were a question!

But in itself it is not a question.

There is no question.

“you” are the question!

Your state is the quality of dilemma,

Of dis-ease.

Your state is your question.

All questions are from this “point” of view,

Because this is the archetype of questions.

This is the only question,

This is the dilemma!

This is our fundamental experience

From moment to moment.

The question is

The questioner.

The problem is

The seeking itself.

The dilemma is dissolved,

Not by action,

But by prior truth.

The true answer

Must be

A radical transformation

Of your state.

God, Truth and Reality is the answer.


There is nothing

That a man can do

To save himself,

To become enlightened,

To become realized.

Nothing whatsoever.

If there were something, I would tell you,

But there is nothing.

There is nothing

Anybody can do to get free.

Nothing any human being has ever done

Has ever liberated himself

Or anybody else.

Liberation is god’s business.

Everything you do

Is that search

Until God, the Self, the Heart

Enters the picture,

As a God, Truth and Reality,

In relationship.


It is not you that becomes perfect.

God, Truth and Reality is already perfect, and Divine absorbs you.

You become perfect by becoming nothing,

By absorption in the Divine.

Nobody does that.

How could you possibly do that?

How offensive to think

That you could possibly do that!


In the presence of the Heart,

Seeking is inappropriate.

What is always appropriate

Is understanding

And the spontaneous

Surrender of seeking.

What is always inappropriate

Is the search and its defense.

What is appropriate

Is simply obvious.

What in fact is appropriate

Is always appropriate.

There is no search

That is appropriate.


It is time

For an end

To all seeking.

The life of seeking

Is founded in prior dilemma,

And it does not work.

The search is futile.


The search is failing.

The principle of the search

Is suffering.


To be

In the state of seeking,

Whatever the form,

Is to be

In the same state

Of suffering.


Fear is the most basic form

Of seeking.


Your trouble is an illusion.

Your search is a reaction

To your suffering.


Your actual dilemma

Has barely been conceived by you,

Barely experienced.


At the very best,

The search itself begins

To break down.

Eventually everything will break down.

Those who dream long enough,

Who try all the alternatives within the dream,

Who have suffered all the attainments

And failures within the dream,

Who no longer have anywhere to go,

Who are only dreaming,

Who are suffering,

Who no longer take their search “seriously,”

For whom the search is no longer

The thing to which they resort,

Who have despaired of their adventures,

Their ecstasies, their attainments,

Their ways, their methods,

Who are only suffering,

Who are only in dilemma,

Who in fact are only experiencing this contraction,

The compulsive avoidance of relationship,

But are doing nothing about it any longer,

Who know they cannot do anything

About it any longer

They become sensitive

To the sunlight.

When you no longer have any alternatives,

When the search has died,

Then God, Truth and Reality becomes your real possibility.

Then truth, real life,

Enters as a living possibility.

It will be your obvious need

When you have no options.

When you no longer

Have any more options,

When you have worn yourself out

Doing your number,

And you have tried

All the trips and methods,

Paths and lifestyles,

Strategies and places to go,

Then all of that

Begins to break down.

That is really the most hopeful sign.


You are only upset,

So what difference

Does the search make?

When all that has failed,

Then suffering itself becomes the point,

Becomes the experience,

Rather than all of the seeking

That is only a reaction to it.

Then a man falls into his suffering,

Becomes conscious of his suffering,

Understands his suffering,

And sees what is already the case.

When there is no defense left,

When the bottom falls out,

When there is nothing to stand on,

That is “liberation.”

When you see it absolutely,

When you see the thing itself,

The simple thing,

That is the end of it.

You fall apart.

You scream,

Or you can’t say anything,

But it just ends.

All of a sudden

The whole process

Is not going on anymore.

It becomes unnecessary and,

At last,



There is only

Divine Consciousness,

And you are that.

There is only bliss.


Adi Da Samraj (Bubba Free John)

Bubba Free John (1974)…..Adi Da Samraj (2008)


Note to reader:

As a member of Adi Da’s (then Bubba Free John’s) community from about 1973-1975, during which time I lived for nine months in Persimmon, the sanctuary where he lived. My service was to creating an index of his early books. I found these writings to be compelling, along with some of outrageous talks that have not found their way into print. Around his birthday in 1975 (to the best of my recollection), Adi Da was planning on moving with a small group to Hawaii. For that occasion, I arranged a selection of his compelling words by topic (mostly selected from his books) and hand wrote them in a blank book for his enjoyment. As far as I know, nothing ever came of that compilation. That became Book One of two parts, the second of which I completed some time thereafter. Now through the Internet, I make both parts available to interested readers. These blank books (I made a copy for myself) have been sitting on my bookshelves all this time, and after Adi Da’s passing, it occurred to me that this compilation would be very useful to many readers.


Ed Hirsch
Ashland, Oregon



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