Chapter 6 – Suffering – Suffering is Your Own Activity – Have I Said It? – Bubba Free John – selected quotes 1972-1975

Have I Said It?

Bubba Free John (Adi Da Samraj), 1973

Note to the reader

Adi Da Samraj (Bubba Free John)

Bubba Free John (1974)…..Adi Da Samraj (2008)


Chapter 6


Suffering is Your Own Activity.


Your suffering is entirely your own,

It is your own activity.

And it is a radically present activity,

Not caused by something else.

You are not suffering

What is happening

Or has happened

Or will happen to you.

Your suffering is your own activity.

Nobody put you into

Your present state.

No one is keeping you in it.

It is a present activity.

It is your present activity.


Something has already happened.

You are already suffering.

Suffering is not your symptom,

It is your activity.

That is the paradox.


In every case

There is one fundamental activity.

One thing is the suffering.

It is an activity, this activity.

Our suffering is our own activity.

It is something we are doing

Moment to moment.

It is a completely voluntary activity.


What are you doing?

What are you always doing?

What are you doing now?

Grasp it.

Fall into truth

And grasp onto nothing after that.

Throw away everything but that,

And continually know that.


Fear is the very mood

Of the ego.

Fear is your creation,

Not something happening to you.

If you are troubled

By what arises,

You are not in your proper

Relationship to things.

You are not existing

In relationship to what arises

At all.


The drama is unnecessary.

What has all of that

Got to do with you?

When you enjoy truth,

You are already free.

And if you are free,

What has all of this

Compulsive limitation

To do with you?

Why are you conditionable?

Why are you suffering

These conditions?

It is your own action.

When this contraction

Does not occur,

No conditioning occurs,

No thought binds.


There is only bliss.

All of this

Is already bliss.

Bliss is the nature of this.

Bliss is the nature of consciousness,

Bliss is the nature of this event.

There are lots of someplace elses,

But they will be no more blissful for you

Than this

if you are not

Already blissful.


If you were already free of suffering,

It wouldn’t make any difference to you

Whether this room appeared,

Or a ballroom in vienna,

Or a seventh plane party!

The fact that suffering is gone

Would be the thing

That makes you happy.

When suffering no longer distracts,

You see that you are already happy,

That you are happiness.


It is your own activity.

In every second,

See that it is not only

That you are disturbed,

But you are disturbing everybody else.

You are disturbed!


You are asking questions.

You have this dilemma.

That is true.

That is the whole point.

You are suffering! Yes?

Since you are only suffering,

Why are you defending

All of this nonsense?

It is time to be rid of all of that.

It is utterly unnecessary.

It can be abandoned!


All of that I want surrendered.

I want to see all the beards, all the hair,

All the mantras, all the clothing, all of

The suffering, all of the sorrows, all of the

Long faces, all of the yoga, all of the visions,

All of the beliefs, all of the philosophies,

All of the religion and spirituality,

All of your racial and personal history,

I want to see your birth and your death.

I want all of it.

Such are the implications of truth.


All attempts

To relieve the life of suffering

By various means, remedies,

Do not produce truth.

They may heal disease.

But only truth produces truth.

Only the most radical approach

To a man’s suffering

Is useful.


I see men suffering.

While they are being truth only,

I see them suffering.

The fact they are suffering

Doesn’t make them any less the truth,

Any less the same thing

That is all beings, all things.

It simply means that they are suffering.

If you look at all beings

From the point of view of truth,

There is only truth,

And truth has this

Little chronic problem!


It is not that truth is absent.

Truth is always already the case.

It is simply not obvious to men.

Truth is not absent.

Men are suffering.

Wherever we are

Fundamentally concerned,

We are also

Fundamentally in conflict.


The you who does all of that

Is itself the suffering.

It knows nothing.

It is itself the suffering.

The man having an ecstatic vision

Is in the same condition

As the man watching a tv commercial.

The state of the ordinary yogi

Is as much an illusion

As the state of the

Dying, suffering man.

The only ones

Who are not suffering

Are those who are living truth.


We are mad.

The ordinary state of our existence,

Although it is usually kept intact

And relatively calmed

By the politics of human society,

Is founded in the madness of a prior logic,

A schism in reality

That promotes the whole suffering

Adventure of our lives

In endless and cosmic obstacles.


All our suffering and all our deaths

Are endured only in the concepts,

The functions and mentality

That are guided by the unconscious logic

Of narcissus.


Narcissus begins where there is

A frustration of creativity.

Where there is no narcissus

There is simply unqualified creativity and presence.

Narcissus is the reduction of the world

To the form of his own separate person.


Seeking is the drama of narcissus.

He waits outside the heart.

There is no salvation for narcissus.

Salvation is reality,

Which has nothing to do with narcissus.

There is only reality, which is not narcissus.

Understanding is the absence of narcissus.

Where there is understanding, narcissus does not arise.

Where there is the absence of narcissus,

There is only reality.

Narcissus is dead.


Man, like every other

Manifestation in reality,

Is a totality, non-separate,

Unqualified, powerful and perfect.

His life is universal life and consciousness.

However, he lives as a composite

Of separate, limited and rival functionsm

Or as an entity

Identical to its lowest

And mortal form.


Man can enjoy God, Truth and Reality

So he must realize that consciously

While alive.

It requires a transformation in him

That exceeds all that he is,

All that he tends to be,

And all that he prefers.

It requires an absolute turnabout.

How great is that occupation,

Compared to all the bullshit

That human beings live!


This life

As it is commonly lived

Is insane.

From the moment

Of its awareness,

This life is a question.

It seems absurd

To be actually existing

And yet not to know

What actually existing is,

And to spend the entire period

Of actually existing

Trying to discover

What actually existing is!

This is an insane condition!


You want to be consoled and fascinated.

That’s what it is.

That’s what you’re up to.

It’s not that you are trying

To understand and really can’t.

It’s just that you are

Fundamentally, presently

Committed to that thing

That understanding would make impossible.


If you could truly grasp

What it is

Your life is making out of you,

You would be terrified by that,

Not by God and the universe

And the nature of things.

You would be terrified

By your own tendencies.


Just to perceive

The point of view of the search,

If you could truly see it,

Would be terrifying.


Suffering is the primary fact

For individual life.

Everyone is suffering

In exactly the same way.

Everything happens appropriately,

Even for those who live

In ignorance of Truth.


It is just that, apart from Truth,

Apart from the life of Truth,

The appropriate thing that happens

Is suffering and death!

Nothing is about to happen

To any of you

Except death.

That’s it!

That’s your dues

For a distraction,

A good dream.

That which seeks release from death

Must die.


Every moment

Is the moment of fearful death

And the attempt to create

That which shouldn’t die

But must die.

Everybody dies.

Everybody who has ever lived

Has died.

There is no escape from death.

Every single one of you

Is going to die.

You are going to die:

Literally and absolutely.

Not just a little bit.

It is not just your body

That is going to die.

You are going to die,

And that is the truth.

You are going to die.

Nothing that is conditional



What is amazing,

In this manifestation of billions of beings,

With millions of human beings,

Is that one can appear to be born

Among so many and yet have so little company

For a lifetime.

Because every one is obsessed!

Every one is moving that way,

The other way, at light-speed.


In the midst of all these distractions

That we try to generate every single moment,

As often as we can,

Basically no one knows what this is.

No one! No one knows what it is.

The usual man stands as a human being

In the world

Without the slightest idea what that is.

You don’t know where it began.

You don’t know fundamentally what it is,

You don’t know where it goes.

Nobody knows what it is.


There is far more involved in life

Than that of which people

Have even a little awareness.

We “get along” with one another,

And just don’t deal with anything fundamental.

So we don’t live as if there were God, Truth and Reality.

But we don’t really live

As if there were not God, Truth and Reality either.


Truly, human existence

Has not appeared in the world as yet.

Watch human beings,

I mean literally, just watch everyone.

All these idiotic beings.

There are billions upon billions

Overpopulating the earth, bombing one another,

And making treaties with one another,

And they are totally deluded.

Not a single one of them

Has enjoyed a moment as enlightening

As a wave on the beach!


I’m not trying to be amusing,

But that’s the way it is.

All of that

May be amusing to you,

And the dumber you are,

The more likely you are

To be amused by it!

Maybe i’m getting out of line,

But that’s the way it seems to me!

I can’t understand how people

Can go on with it.

I mean it overwhelms me.

As soon as i think about what people do

From day to day, I literally cannot believe it!

I can’t understand how you put up with it

Without screaming your brains loose.


You just want to get it on, you know,

Watch the news,

Suck it down and wait until death.

I can’t understand that kind of mentality.

But as soon as you get a little bit

Hip to it,

As soon as it all gets really amusing

To you,

Then Bubba Free John – Adi Da Samraj – is here.


The world is absolutely insane.

The world in itself and as it is

Does not have any capacity whatsoever

For enduring the Divine Presence.

The Divine Manifestation

Is not permitted in this world.

It is the ultimate taboo.

The world is a massive resister

Of the Divine Event.


The cult of narcissus,

The cult of this world,

Is all about

The suppression of ecstasy,

The suppression of happiness.

We deny one another

The life-force

In the absence of love.

To love is to share principal food,

To share the Divine.


We are starving.

We do not love.

To seek to find god,

To seek to be realized,

Why does that seem so obvious to you,

So reasonable? Because you are only reasonable.

You have ceased to be unreasonable.

You have ceased to live in your fundamental

And prior condition, which is enjoyment,

Bliss, happiness, fullness in which everything

Is justified, in which all functional conditions

Are justified and eternally free.


This absolute blissfulness is too happy

For people in the usual condition to tolerate!

It is really too much.

They can’t live with it,

They can’t function with it,

They can’t accept it.

They are always looking

For something that is just

A little aggravating!


A cultic object is allowed to be Divine

In this world,

A conventional guru is allowed to be Divine,

A God in a book is allowed to be Divine,

But you are not allowed to be Divine!

In this moment you are not permitted

To be happy.

It is taboo.

It is taboo to be already happy.


You must seek happiness.

It is all right to seek god.

But to realize God, Truth and Reality while alive

Is the absolute taboo.

To start talking about God, Truth and Reality,

To think God, Truth and Reality,

to act God, Truth and Reality,

To make the Divine

The present condition of the world,

To life that Divine Power,

To live that light, to be full,

That is unacceptable.

That is not permitted.


The cult of this world

Is based on the assumption

That there exists a separate one,

Who needs to be realized

Or fulfilled or made healthy

Or made happy or whatever.

All of that is a colossal lot

Of nonsense, because there is no such one.

There is already no such one.

You do not have to run through

Aeons of time for there to be

No such one,

To destroy this phantom ego.

There is already no such one.

He does not exist

To be destroyed.

He does not exist.


There is no reason at all

Why it should complicate existence

To make the little reference to “me.”

There is no profound reason why,

On the basis of that simple

Little social reference,

You should get involved

To the depths of your psyche,

High and low,

In this egoic drama,

This assumption of narcissus.

It is just a concept,

A modification of your own awareness,

It has no fundamental existence at all.


You will continue to be frightened

Of its dissolution

Until you know its nothingness,

Until you know the Divine

Who is Omnipresent,

Who is Existence.


You are not an ego now,

And truly,

You cannot become the self of God.

You are already that self-nature.

The Divine Person

Is always already your condition.

Your very Consciousness,

Your own Consciousness,

Is the Divine Self.

It is presently that Divine Self.

It is infinite, formless,

Unqualified, unconditioned,

Absolute Consciousness.


That is your nature,

That is the nature

Of every being.

There is only

The Divine Consciousness.

And you are that.

 Adi Da Samraj (Bubba Free John)

Bubba Free John (1974)…..Adi Da Samraj (2008)




Note to reader:

As a member of Adi Da’s (then Bubba Free John’s) community from about 1973-1975, during which time I lived for nine months in Persimmon, the sanctuary where he lived. My service was to creating an index of his early books. I found these writings to be compelling, along with some of outrageous talks that have not found their way into print. Around his birthday in 1975 (to the best of my recollection), Adi Da was planning on moving with a small group to Hawaii. For that occasion, I arranged a selection of his compelling words by topic (mostly selected from his books) and hand wrote them in a blank book for his enjoyment. As far as I know, nothing ever came of that compilation. That became Book One of two parts, the second of which I completed some time thereafter. Now through the Internet, I make both parts available to interested readers. These blank books (I made a copy for myself) have been sitting on my bookshelves all this time, and after Adi Da’s passing, it occurred to me that this compilation would be very useful to many readers.


Ed Hirsch
Ashland, Oregon


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