Julie Anderson – Beezone Interview – Part 3

 





 

 

Beezone Interview with
Julie Anderson

(Formerly Kanya Samarpna
Remembrance)


Julie Anderson, 2016

 

 

“Just keep having all those
experiences”

 

Beezone: Could you talk a little about what it was
like when you first saw or sat with Adi Da?

Julie: The first time I sat with him was in a
darshan occasion in Western Face Cathedral, one of the
meditation Halls at The Mountain of Attention Sanctuary in
Northern California. I sat at the back of the hall, to his
right. Not knowing what to expect or what to do, it was
confronting. Immediately, however, my thinking and
questioning mind was stopped as my vision became blurred and
I could not focus very well. In this, I began to see Adi
Da’s form change shape and take on what appeared to me
to be various traditional and archetypal forms of great,
ancient spiritual figures. With this ever-changing view, my
physical form also began to feel quite unfamiliar and
amorphous, not very well able to locate a position within
it. It was not that pleasurable as it felt like the shifting
changes were stretching me beyond comfort. But I do remember
feeling that this seemed significant in the sense that what
I was seeing and feeling may be telling me something about
him and his presence.

The second time I saw him was in what we called the Kings
Room. It was a room beneath what was then used as the
kitchen. So the room had no windows except by the front
glass double door entrance, there was a large floor to
ceiling window. It felt like being underground, as the walls
were formed by a kind of rock and the carpet was a deep
maroon. In the middle of the room was a pool table! I
thought that was rather funny! I sat on the floor at the
edge of the room. On this occasion, those gathered were
enjoying what we called occasional accessories to the diet;
beer and cigarettes. So I was a bit intoxicated. When Adi Da
walked into the room, he was wearing a bright yellow silk
shirt of a design I was not familiar with. I was awe struck
by the magnitude of his presence and form, his smile and
laugh. I thought he was incredibly handsome, in an unusual
way! I watched him playfully engage others at a game of
pool. I noted he had fun stretching the rules. When he
unexpectedly came over to me he still had the pool cue in
his right hand. He quite firmly placed the tip of the pool
cue onto the top of my right foot, close to my big toe,
saying. So you are September toes! I thought you would
be a lot taller! He then went back to his pool
playing. I became very sick and nauseous after that and had
to leave the gathering. Many many years later he gave me the
tip of the pool cue to place on my mala as a talisman.

The next day I spent time with some female devotees, one
who spoke in detail with me, as she heard I was asking a
number of questions about Adi Da and about the women who
were around him and attending to him in various ways, this
intrigued me. I noticed one woman fanning him for the
longest time, and I wondered how she could do that without
getting a real sore arm! (laughing) After this, together
with some of the same female devotees I was asking about, we
prepared to go and attend a gathering at what was then
called the house, his home.

We settled in his home, also called the Manner of Flowers
in his living room. His low seat was placed in the back far
right corner of the rectangular room. There were numbers of
devotees who were sitting facing him arced out about the
space. I sat cross-legged on the floor right in front of him
close so we could talk. There was soft music playing and the
air smelled of sweet incense. My whole body was shaking, as
though I had an incredible fever, chills or something. I was
embarrassed as I could not stop the shaking and also could
not speak very well because of this unusually strong
movement. After a while, he stood up and went into his
bedroom. Soon he came out with one of his shawls. He stood
behind me and wrapped the shawl around me and crossed it
over the front of me and as soon as he did that my whole
body relaxed and .phew.a blissful ease came over
me. I can feel it now. I just dropped altogether. Then he
went around in front of me and sat down in his chair, and he
looked at me, and he said: “You are an extremely old soul,
you have no more work to do. It’s time for you to just
rest.” I had not a clue what that meant or why he said that.
Then I saw visibly tangible threads of light connecting me
to him above and at heart.

Beezone: From a yogic point of view I find that
fascinating. The way I would describe that was that you left
the body, and he sensed your deeper personality. I’m reading
it, of course; I don’t know for sure, but I find it
interesting. You were shaking because of the Shakti force
and freezing because you had left the body, the life force
was leaving the body. He then put his shawl around you to
warm, bring you back and associate with the body. As all
this was occurring you had drifted into your deeper
personality, the old soul. You may have had past
associations with awakened beings in the past since you just
don’t ‘wander’ into the Company of a Mahasiddha I’m
guessing.

Julie: You could surmise that, but I don’t know
for sure anything about that in detail. At this point in
time, none of that rumouring is of interest to me, as it
makes no difference regarding the depth process of radical
understanding. It can be fascinating and interesting to look
into or know these things, but it does not sustain my
interest much and has not much in the past either. However,
Adi Da has made indications to me at times of previous
incarnations and connections to him. That is a whole other
subject!

The other thing that happened, indicating to me there was
an obvious deep feeling connection between us, was the
experience of being in the light together. We were in the
light, the light of the head, the light in the heart and the
light above. Then I kept having spontaneous shifts in my
vision where I would be up in the corner of the room looking
at him, or I would see him from another different point of
view altogether. In other words, my ability to be able to
see him as he was in front of me was not possible anymore
because my point of view kept shifting. It was like seeing
him from different perspectives in brief quick flashes. I
didn’t have any idea what was happening. Then at some point,
I started describing to him what was happening and he got a
big kick out of that, with a huge belly laugh he said: “Yep,
just keep having all those experiences!” He thought it was
funny. Why? I had no real idea and felt a bit silly having
said anything at all. Still, many unusual and unfamiliar
visions and sensations continued as I sat there. I now
understand that these experiences were a yogic awakening
beyond my mere gross egoic perspective, his direct
shaktipat.

Beezone: Clearly, one thing you are describing is
an ‘out of body experience.’ It seems by your nature you
have a probably a strong predisposition to be in high states
of consciousness or Samadhis of various kinds. I guess
that’s the ‘old soul’ reference.

Julie: Maybe, but “out of body
experiences” were familiar to me as I had had these on
various occasions my whole life, and especially so when I
was anorexic. These energies and sensations felt a bit
different actually. It is interesting that you would say
that though because at some point after many years of
sadhana he told me that my issues were not in the higher
stages but that they were in, the lower (laughter)! In other
words, once I got beyond this emotional-sexual matter then
the rest of it wasn’t going to be a big deal. He said to me
in teasing; I was prone toward having psychic experiences,
deep meditations, visions and yogic phenomena, khachari
mudra (as I told you of), and Samadhis of various kinds.
However, he said that my real work was in the red-yellow
realm, the lower chakras. I would say that could likely be
so for us all who gravitated here, yet some may have
previously had more experiences of a “higher”
nature. But again, these experiences are not the point in
the context of the unique awakening he has initiated and
secured for all.

But then there is the samadhi of the thumbs. This yogic
sign is specific to his transmission, his full descent. This
has occurred often and still does. One of the things about
the samadhi of the thumbs is that at a certain point it
became apparent to me that this yogic event is perpetual in
essence. It’s not just an independent event as it may seem
because it appears to end. Rather it is an
indicator of a profound shift in point of view, eventually
awakening us as the witness consciousness, in the room of
unlimited and all inclusive conscious light.

During the time in his direct company and since then
there are many ways that I could register the divine
manifesting in relationship to the chakras and the
psycho-physical being as various kinds of samadhis, at all
different levels of existence, but that phenomenon does not
mean true liberation or realization of reality itself, as
Adi Da reveals it. Yes, yogic experiences can correspond and
be coincident with feelings of significant bliss and a sense
of liberation. Such events can also seemingly alter your
point of view dramatically, and then you can begin to exist
awake to different aspects of the manifest realms, yet in
some fashion still disassociated from reality as the divine
truth. This is because most of these experiences or samadhis
cannot be maintained except through the manipulation of the
mechanism of attention. In other words, I was still active
as an ego-I. It is not divine self-recognition, in which
there is no separation at all from any apparent arising
condition in and as the divine light. This is what Adi
Da’s shaktipat has revealed to me. I am sure many
devotees can express such an understanding.

He said very, very strongly to me at one point in the
early 2000’s “Do not apply any meaning to any of these
experiences that you have.” This served me immensely. He
said “Don’t!” because “you are getting too caught up in
them.” I think this predisposition for absorbed states is
tied to my tendency or addiction to doing yoga, puja, and
ritual and as time went on a preference for meditation and
spending ALOT of time in sacred halls and holy sites and his
house. He also had to tell me to “stop hiding out in
his house”. . . I immensely enjoyed engaging all
devotional practices and serving sacred spaces, once I
adapted.

It was not always that way, though. The first time I sat
for a formally extended meditation it was so excruciatingly
painful at all levels of the being that I came out and said
to another male devotee; “I never want to do that
again!” And so it was, I was given the task of cleaning
Adi Da’s bedroom and bathroom during the time he went
to sit instead of going to meditate with him and the others!
(laughing)

Beezone: You are reminding me of a ‘Mast,’ a
particular kind of person in India who walks around absorbed
in higher states of consciousness. Meher Baba would send his
devotees out to collect such individuals, bring them back to
his ashram and Meher Baba would then wash them, clean them
up, give them food and try to serve them in any way he
could. I’m not calling you a Mast, but you are describing a
predisposition to be absorbed in ecstatic states. Anandamayi
Ma was another such person. Although a saint to her devotees
she would be absorbed a Bliss to such a degree that they
would have to feed her to keep her alive.

Julie: In later years I think that is why Adi Da
let me spend a lot of time in the hall. Also maybe just to
keep me out of trouble and out of his hair! (laughing) I
spent a lot of time in the meditation hall and in doing puja
in sacred environments. That is where I preferred to be.

One thing Adi Da had been pointing out to me was I had
became addicted to living and enacting puja, or the sacred
yoga of ritual worship and invocation. I had altars
everywhere, and I did puja almost anywhere in relationship
to everything, all the time. I liked (and still do) living a
life in sacred spaces, be it a holy site, temple or
meditation hall because that is what I spent a lot of time
doing all the years within the gurukula with him. I grew
accustomed to having my environment feel that way and
because that is what I like the most sacred spaces. There
was just a certain point in time where I felt like it had
become an addiction, became an almost neurotic obsession, my
need to do ritual, to do puja, to have an objective form of
invocation, involved in some process that was continually
being enacted over and over again.

Finally sometime around 2010, I let it all go, completely
let it go. Let go of chanting, puja, formal meditation all
of that, even study! I burned some things even. Of course in
a ritual fire! (laughing) In this release, an even greater
purification began. The most difficult ever. As time went on
the interesting thing is that in doing so I also then
received the affirmation that the real depth process could
not be lost, even as I ceased to engage such things. It was
always happening; it was always alive. Of course! This is
the reality of the Divine process, his work. Reality IS. The
light is the context, always infiltrating, modulating. I
exist in and as conscious self-light. The gift of
recognition was more deeply and clearly and consistently
active. Synchronously I have to participate in it, like it.
If you consciously participate in and as this conscious
love-light, you see everything, the fence, the tree, the
skies, and the walls, all “others” as light. It is
all one space. You see everything as the Divine self, as the
Divine light, as the spiritual process. So there was a level
of trust that came about through the noticing that this was
always being proven to me. Beyond my self-effort, it was
being proven to me.

That has been going on for quite a long time and being
magnified. It is always amazing to me because revelations
are being given, insights are being offered, effortlessly. I
feel abundantly blessed in my life, not without
difficulties. It’s still difficult. Life is an ordeal, a
really difficult ordeal. I now read the teaching again at
times and feel the process of the teaching active in me, the
fundamental argument about Narcissus is in-depth and clear.
I also sit in a small hall we have curtained off, and depth
reception of Love-Ananda (Love-Bliss) is immediate. The
sphere of conscious light is the obvious context and point
of view by the fact that I have been awakened into this yoga
and practiced darshan yoga, samrajasana for so long,
understood fundamental errors and then the fear of loss and
separation have been significantly dissolved.

Now that being said there is no question whatsoever that
if I was to practice again formally, not only potentially as
part of the culture of Adidam, but the more that I choose to
participate in relationship and engage the detailed
practices and processes as given by Adi Da, then this
radical understanding and Satsang becomes magnified. It is
in this context it is truly tested, especially with others
genuinely reflecting the true growth of the process. This is
invaluable and necessary for further growth. It quickens and
intensifies my awareness of the spiritual reality, as
conscious light.

 

 

“All of sadhana is a progress of
lessons, not of attainments. Whatever the theater that
appears in your case in this moment, it is your own.
Ultimately it is your responsibility. It is testing you and
its content at this moment is perfectly
appropriate”

 

Adi Da Samraj, No Remedy,
1975

 

 

 

Beezone: Wasn’t that what you were doing for all
the years when you were in his immediate sphere?

Julie: Yes, but there was more to understand. A
lot of what occurred during and after the time of leaving
his physical company was relinquishing the kind of
formalities but also familiarity with what I had enacted
with him. A much deeper understanding of the errors of what
I was doing with him and all others. It was a process
revealing; it is not this, not this, not this, not this. All
of this has been based on the free gift of the seventh stage
feeling awareness of divine reality given from the beginning
of the relationship. I made many mistakes, errors. I was
doing this wrong. I was relating to him wrongly. I was
practicing, meditating, serving and somehow “how could I so
consistently be missing the most fundamental context of the
“relationship,” the essence of being, beyond the
error of attention, the room of unqualified light, Divine
self-realization and recognition”?

You know how it is whenever you pick up any sacred text,
and so it is with Adi Da’s teaching, you pick it up, and if
it’s true dharma, it is alive as spirit, always something
new is being revealed. You could read the same thing over
and over again, and until there has been enough purification
of the binding of energy and attention into an error, into
the process of seeking or based upon the egoic error of
self-identification with the manifest conditions arising,
you’re not going to get it fully. You’re not going to fully
understand the point of what is being stated or revealed.
That is how it feels with Adi Da’s work and teaching. So it
continues!

Beezone: You sound like you have learned a
tremendous amount from the post years as much as you have in
the years you were in his company. There are lessons for
everybody of course and the disparity between being a Siddha
of his magnitude and the blessing force that can sublime you
into samadhi and then being thrown or put into a situation
that you’re taking the tram or the bus somewhere in a
downtown city trying to scrape up lunch money, I couldn’t
think of anything more dramatically opposite than those two
scenarios that you have had to go through. There are not
many people who have been in your many, many different
environments.

Julie: Exactly. (laughter) And that makes me
humble and grateful.

Beezone: But you’ve got the freedom and the
wisdom. You’ve learned and been blessed. Everybody has their
station in life and doing whatever they do, but that is
entirely secondary, completely beside the point. Whatever it
is, it is. But the deeper personality and the deeper
messages are there, and that is why when you say the people
who have been touched may forget but they can never, ever
get away from the Eternal Process.

Julie: So true. The Truth.

A Note from Julie

Blessings! I am making this communication via Beezone as a means to explore, remember, understand more deeply and make available the story of my life with Bhagavan Adi Da. Its a deep samyama for me and I am grateful to Ed Reither for this auspicious opportunity and how this gift has come into being.

Coincidentally, my communication may be useful to you the reader in providing a means to reflect on your own life experiences with Adi Da or in relationship to your own spiritual practice and life adventure.

Given I am not currently a formal practitioner of Adidam, my communication is a personal one and it is not intended specifically to be a guide to anyone’s spiritual and life practice. Adi Da has made it abundantly clear that if anyone is serious about His Teaching,\ they should embrace the full details of practice which He has clearly communicated. Any response made or opinion formed in regards to his offering is a personal matter of responsible free choice.

Whilst I am very serious about my transcendentally spiritual relationship with Adi Da, for some time and for now, I have not chosen to embrace the full details of His Instruction in regards to participation within the formal Institution and Culture of Adidam. This is a personal matter and not a reflection about anything otherwise. There are no “sides” of any camp that I sit within. My heart is filled with great respect, gratitude and profound loving compassion for all devotees that I share a history with.

Om Sri Da Love Ananda

 


 

 


Beezone Interview Series with Julie Anderson

 

(Formerly Kanya Samarpana Remembrance)

 

 

 

1

Introduction

 

 

 

2

The Ego is At War

 

 

 

3

Becoming a Devotee

 

 

 

4

Tell Everyone I Said This to You

 

 

 

5

Just Keep on Having Those Experiences

 

 

 

6

Oh my, Oh My!

 

 

 

7

Reality Consideration and the Divine Emergence

 

 

 

8

Getting Kick Out of the Nest

 

 

 

9

From the Beginning

 

 

 

10

Charlie’s Place and the Fire

 

 

 

11

Being a Woman in His Company

 

 

 

12

Pattern Patterning

 

 

 

13

Lopez Island

 

 

 

14

Only One Condition

 

 

 

15

Outside In, Inside Out

 

 

 

16

Letter of Alert and Protection

 

 

 

17

An Address to the Future

 

 

 

18

The Round Up

 

 

 

19

Coming…

 

 

 

20

Coming

 

 

***

 


 

 

 

 

The
Real Practice of Guru-Devotion

Julie Anderson, 1980

 

 


 

 

First to Awaken