from Chapter 3 of
The Dawn Horse Testament Of The
( Here Avatara Adi Da further describes the insight that
awakened in Him and how it matured over time.)
It Became Clear To Me That The Feeling Of Dilemma and
The Urge To Seek God, Happiness, Fulfillment, or Release Via The Acquisition
Of experience, knowledge, or any condition or conditional object at all
Are Not In Fact The Means For The Realization Of Truth Itself. I Understood
That The Problem-Feeling and The Urge To Seek Are Not A Program For The
Actual Discovery Of Truth, but They Are Merely Symptoms Of A Curious Disease.
I Observed That These Symptoms, Which Tend To Characterize every moment
Of ordinary Existence, Are In Fact The Evidence Of the very state that
Must Be Transcended If The Truth Itself Is To Be Realized. It Was Clear
To Me That The Feeling Of Dilemma and The Seeking-Urge Are Nothing More
Than A Confession That God, Truth, or Happiness Is Not presently experienced
or known. And This Seemed Remarkable To Me.
If God, Truth, or Happiness Is Sought On The Basis Of
A Problem (or The Feeling Of Dilemma), Then God, Truth, or Happiness Is
Always Projected Into future time, and The Realization Of God, Truth, or
Happiness Is Made conditional, or Dependent Upon psycho-physical events.
This Stood Out To Me As Nonsense, or As An Absurd Proposition.
My Own “Consideration” Was This: God, Truth, or Happiness
(Whatever That Is Altogether) Must Necessarily Be That Which Is Always
Already The Case. Therefore, I Observed That The Felt Dilemma and The Urge
To Seek Are Simply The Absurd Confession That God, Truth, or Happiness
Is Absent Now. And I Observed Further That The Signs Of Dilemma and Seeking
Are Not A Program For The Actual Future Realization Of God, Truth, or Happiness,
but They Are Merely A Means For Preventing Present Realization Of God,
Truth, or Happiness. The Feeling Of Dilemma and The Urge To Seek Are Actually
The Evidence Of A Disease, Which Is the conditional (or psycho-physical)
self In its Chronic Contraction Upon itself, and In its Symptomatic Non-Realization
Of God, Truth, or Happiness.
Indeed, It Became Clear To Me That the “ego” (or the conventional
“I”) Is Not an “entity” (or an Independent and Static “thing of being”),
but the “ego” (or the conventional “I”) Is The Chronic and Total psycho-physical
Activity Of self-Contraction, Always Associated With Concrete Results (In
the psyche, mind, emotion, body, and their relations). And the self-Contraction
Can Always Be Located (In any moment) In Feeling (As Fear, Anxiety, Stress,
and All Other Kinds Of Reactive emotions and Blocks In The Flow Of Natural
bodily energy In The Circle Of the body-mind).
The self-Contraction Is the Complex limit on Natural bodily
energy (and, In The Case Of Any Degree Of Spiritual Awakening, On The Spirit-Energy)
In The Circle Of the body-mind. Therefore, the self-Contraction Is (Ultimately)
a Complex limit On The Inherent and Self-Existing Spiritual Radiance Of
Transcendental (and, Ultimately, Divine) Being. And Perfect Freedom, or
Inherent Happiness, or Inherently Most Perfect God-Realization Is A Matter
Of Direct (or Inherent, or Native) and Inherently Most Perfect Identification
With The Self-Existing and Self-Radiant Condition Of Transcendental (and
Inherently Spiritual) Divine Being (or Consciousness Itself), Which Identification
Is Allowed Only By Present or Progressive Transcendence Of The ego-Act
The self-Contraction Is Un-Necessary. The self-Contraction
Is (Without Ultimate Necessity, and, Therefore, Only Apparently) Being
“Added” To Existence Itself (In Reaction To Cosmic Nature, or To Apparent
conditional Existence). The self-Contraction (Originally) Coincides With
and (Effectively) Perpetuates The Apparition Of Cosmic Nature Itself, and
The Presumption That Existence Itself Is conditional, or Merely Apparent.
Therefore, the self-Contraction Is (Originally, and Also In Effect, or
conditionally) Un-Natural, Because it Superimposes On The Transcendental,
and Inherently Spiritual, Self (or Consciousness Itself) A False View Of
Both Cosmic Nature (or conditional Reality) and The Divine (or The Most
Priorly Real Self-Condition).
When what Is Un-Necessarily Superimposed On Reality Is
Released, What Stands (or Remains) As The Obvious Is, Necessarily, Reality,
or The Real Condition Itself.
That Is To Say, Whatever Is Always Already The Case Authenticates
Itself (Directly, Inherently, Obviously, and Perfectly).
Therefore, self-Transcendence Necessarily Reveals (or
Allows The Revelation Of) The Transcendental, and Inherently Spiritual,
Self-Condition As The Self-Authenticating (or Inherently and Obviously
Real and True) and Most Prior (or Necessarily Divine) Reality and Truth!
This Heart-Awakened Insight Was Instantly Liberating,
and It Became The Basis For A Progressive Revelation Of God (or Reality,
Truth, and Happiness). The Insight Itself (or The Unique and Inherently
Liberating Understanding Re-Awakened At The Heart) Directly Coincided (or
Arose Simultaneously) With A Practice That Was Thereafter To Be The Most
Basic Characteristic Of The Way Of My Life (and Which Was To Re-Awaken
Full and Most Ultimate Realization). That Practice Had Two Primary Aspects.
The First Was Profound Submission Of attention and all the energies of
the body-mind To Observe, Feel, and Feel Beyond the self-Contraction. And
The Second, Which Coincided With The First and Ultimately Superseded It,
Was Direct Communion and (Ultimately) Inherent Identification With The
Native (or Prior) Condition That Is Simply and Directly Obvious When the
self-Contraction Is Transcended (or No Longer Effective As A Mechanism
Of Dissociation From What Is Always Already The Case).
I Observed That The Sense (or Feeling) Of “Absence”, or
The Sense (or Feeling) Of The Non-Presence Of God, or The Sense (or Feeling)
Of Separation From God, Truth, Happiness, or What Cannot Even Be Described,
Is Not Evidence Of The Real Absence Of God, Truth, Happiness, or The Indescribable,
but It Is Clear Evidence That the conditional self Is Contracting, or Actively
Separating From What (Simply, Merely, or Really) Is.
I Named This Disease (or the Diseased self) “Narcissus”,
Because Of The Likeness Between This self-Program and The Ancient Myth
Of Narcissus. And I Became Attentive In every moment To This Feeling Of
Absence, Of Separateness, Of Dilemma, and The Urge To Seek.
Remarkably, In every moment Of Such Observation, I Felt
The Non-Necessity As Well As The Deluding or Binding Effect Of the self-Contraction,
So That A Spontaneous Release Occurred In every Such moment. That Is To
Say, I Observed That It Was Un-Necessary To Presume or Suffer or Be Motivated
By the self-Contraction In any moment Of My Direct Observation Of it. And,
In That Observation, A Deep Spontaneous Response Of self-Release Was Awakened.
And Whenever That Release Of self-Contraction Occurred, That Which Is Always
Already The Case (Previous, and Most Prior, To self-Contraction) Stood
Out As The Obvious.
Over time, What Is (Previous, and Most Prior, To self-Contraction)
Was Revealed More and More Profoundly. And As That Revelation Increased,
There Was Also The Spontaneous and Otherwise Progressive Unfolding Of The
Many Extraordinary Phenomena That Are Characteristic Of Each Of The Seven
Stages Of Life.
The Process Of That Revelation By Stages Was Not Developed
Only On The Basis Of Insight (or self-Understanding) and Spontaneous self-Transcendence,
or What I Call The “Conscious Process”, but It Was Equally Associated With
A Developing Response To What Was Being Revealed. Thus, It Also Involved
What I Call “Seeing” (or Fullest, and Spiritually Activated, emotional,
and Total psycho-physical, Conversion To True, and Truly Responsible, “Conductivity”
Of The By Grace Revealed Spirit-Power) and What I Call “Divine Ignorance”
(or Spontaneous Identification With The Inherent Love-Bliss Of Native or
Divine Being, Whenever The psycho-physical Presumption Of knowledge, or
“I know what this or that Is”, Was Effortlessly Released).
What Is (Always and Already) Is Revealed Only When the
self-Contraction Is Not Effective. It Is Revealed To Be Self-Radiant (or
Inherently Spiritual) and Transcendental (or Self-Existing) Being, God,
Truth, or Happiness. Any and every conditionally Manifested “I” Always
Already Inheres In That One, Both At The Level Of Being, or Consciousness
Itself, and At The Level Of every Apparent or conditionally Manifested
psycho-physical function, process, or state. Even the body-mind Is Only
An Apparent Modification Of That Divine Self-Radiance In Which “I” Am.
When This Realization Was Most Perfectly Re-Awakened In
My Own Case, all beings, this world, and all kinds of other worlds Were
Revealed In That Same One, Inhering In That Same One, and Appearing As
(Apparent) Modifications Of That Same One.
Then The Significance Of My Own Birth and Life-Work Became
Clear: I Am Only That One. If Only they Will Realize It, Even all beings
Are (Ultimately) Only That Same One.
When This Truth (and Condition) Became (To Me) Obvious
(As Truth, and As My Condition), The Self-Transmitting Powers Of The Transcendental,
Inherently Spiritual, and Necessarily Divine Reality Spontaneously Became
Active In and As My Form (Bodily, Spiritually, and Inherently Perfectly).
And I Became Moved To Serve and To Awaken The Total Cosmic Mandala Of conditionally
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Wisdom-Teaching of Avatar Adi Da Samraj and the Way of the Heart.
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