Don’t You Wish Never to Experience Anxiety?

The Yajna Discourses of Santosha Adi Da (1995-1996)

There’s No Escape, There’s Only Realization

A Gathering “Consideration” with Beloved Bhagavan Adi Da
In The Manner of Flowers On January 5, 1995


“The are two ideas of fear.  One is of the occidental mind that fears death, or the loss of self. The other is the oriental mind that fears attachment to the self. These two habits of mind have traditionally dictated the two unique and opposite paths of mankind.”

Scientific Proof of the Existence of God Will Soon Be Announced by the White House!


ADI DA SAMRAJ : Don’t you most profoundly wish never to experience anxiety?

If you really examine yourself, do you have any greater impulse than that impulse to be free of anxiety? If you really examine yourself, is there anything at all more important to you than to be utterly free of fear, utterly free altogether, in a state of unalloyed Happiness?

What I observe in you is you don’t have enough respect for your fundamental fear. You think it’s just a piece of you or just an experience hanging out there, you can get rid of it or ignore it by being busy with all your activities of survival.

You have to find out your fear is you, it’s your own act. And you don’t have to do it. You don’t have to be it. So there is nothing frightening about that process – just the opposite. It’s not merely giving up self, like going into darkness. It’s about forgetting yourself in Communion with Me.

It’s a loss of egoity, not a loss of self. It’s Realization of Self, the Self Condition, the Root-Condition, the Source-Condition. so much freedom. What was insane was not ‘my state’ but the recognition of eogity. It’s egoity that is lost, the pain of self-contraction, and the bewilderment that comes from it. It’s the little bit of the Law that casts out so much fear you feel good about yourself, you see. But you have to get the whole Law to hear Me. Hm? And not just the little bit. It sounds simple, yes. But there is another side to the process.

You want never to be snuffed out, never thrown into unconsciousness, darkness, and yet somehow aware of your isolation and disturbance. You don’t want that. So why should you play life unconsciously, such that it produces that very thing?

You have to get hip to your number. You have to use your discrimination, your listening to Me, to profoundly consider these matters and really choose a reorientation of life. You have to become thoroughly intelligent about it and intelligent with it.

You must be sensitive and have the ability to discriminate. So that’s the first thing. Be aware of your distractions, your compulsions, your excuses. Take no vacations. That’s what there is to observe. This is what the crisis of hearing is associated with.

So if you know this, whenever you get serious with yourself and examine yourself, then you show your maturity, your real humanity, by being willing to commit yourself to the process of Awakening, To do that rather than continue the preoccupations, the superficialities, of your current grind. You choose the profound life instead – if you’re really serious about not wanting to be afraid anymore. How can one not be serious about it? But it seems like many are not all that serious.

When the seriousness, the demands get too much people take vacations from the totality of discipline that covers everything, functional, practical, relational, cultural. You either don’t let the practice become intense, or you don’t let it touch everything, you start to pick and choose. This is how you let yourself off the hook. Instead of focusing and listening to Me, in other words focusing in this discovery of the self-contraction, you look for some distracted alternative.

So you find this by playing it fast and loose with some aspects of the discipline, and then you otherwise get sort of dopey and you don’t practice Ishta-Guru-Bhakti Yoga moment to moment. You just do it sometimes. Well, that’s why hearing could take a long time. And many of you here are proof of it.

You all have to know what you’re about. You have to use My Teaching fully, and make it your Law and your measure. If you do, then, yes, this hearing crisis should awaken readily. If not, then here we are going ’round and round’, over and over again, endlessly playing out ego’s rituals.

The exercise of hearing is to be sensitive to, be convicted by the contraction itself, to be in the position of the pain, not outside it or avoiding it but actually in that position. The profound incident of what you could call hearing in My case was insanity. It is not comfortable at all, not likable. It has all kinds of artifacts-physical, emotional, mental, and so forth, even in the breath.

The self-contraction itself is fundamental pain altogether, disturbance altogether, and ordinary life is motivated by it, and ruled by it because it is so profound. In addition, it is detached from the fundamental Reality, the Divine Reality. It is lost in maya, in appearances, presumptions, even with the idea that you are really practicing.

It’s very uncomfortable to make this discovery of egoity. It’s not truly profoundly discovered except in the condition of Grace it’s in that the total context that ego is located. That’s hearing, the true discovery of the self-knot, coincident with this whole process of Communion with Me, full of the Wisdom of Instruction that you apply.

So a number of you have been around for a long time and haven’t heard Me yet. This is why. You’ve been peripheral in your disposition, and rather casually you take vacations from discipline and so on, don’t maintain the focus, and you just wind up spinning your wheels instead of hearing Me.

If you really were serious, and could readily establish what’s supposed to be required for mature student-beginner, then you should have basic certainty that in six months you’ll have heard me and move on from there. If you don’t take any more vacations, six months ought to be enough for that, with the year you’ve already had behind you, or more, in the student-novice/student-beginner process, where you’re supposed to be adapting to this foundation practice.

Hearing is surrendering from that very place of the knot. That’s the unique hearing capability. Now, before that capability truly awakens, you can make use of self-understanding as I’ve Communicated it to you and various aspects of the sadhana, and be purified of some aspects of the behavioral and emotional, and mental aspects of your life, and feel good about that – and should. It’s positive. But it’s not hearing it’s the Listening Process. It’s not itself the sign of hearing. Hearing is this fundamental responsibility.