There is No Answer to the Pain of Loss

Pain and Loss

Adi Da Samraj

October 1, 2004


The following is in response to a devotee question:

Beloved, I have a question coming out of the death of one of my grandchildren several years back. He died of a viral infection of the brain. It was about a week long in the hospital. We were there six days and he continually went downhill. He went onto full life-support. And, at a particular point, they made several tests to determine whether he was, I believe the term is “brain dead” or not. And it was considered that he was. And they repeated the test twelve hours later, I believe, and got the same result. And he was taken off of life-support at that time.

The question that I have is.. I wondered if there’s some understanding here that I could get to perhaps relieve some of the pain that I hadn’t done as much as I could for my grandson.


AVATAR ADI DA SAMRAJ: There’s no way to talk yourself into feeling better about it. Although, as is commonly said, time does something as a process of letting go and so on. How long that takes or whether it even happens significantly depends on the individual, but time does something. But it does something ordinary only.

Realization is the only liberation from loss. It’s–just as it is the only liberation from the circumstance in which loss is possible. Loss, or separation, apparent separation through death or any other life happening, is not only possible, it’s inevitable. And there’s nothing amusing about it. It is so. Accepting that it is so, knowing that it is so is part of the disillusionment that makes Realization possible. It’s clinging to illusions that makes Realization impossible. You are goaded to Realize the Truth, the Divine State, through disillusionment with the alternatives. Your experience is–it’s not possible to be consoled about it.

DEVOTEE: Thank You, Lord.

AVATAR ADI DA SAMRAJ: But it is possible to be free, utterly free-only by Realizing that which Is Inherently Free. Seeking is always about pursuing something or other that will be satisfactory or consoling in the midst of a circumstance, mortal circumstance, inherently mortal circumstance in which it is not possible to be satisfied or consoled. It is not possible, except through illusions. The willingness to be deluded by temporary satisfactions and seeming consolations is egoity itself, the self-contraction into separateness, into a state of identification with the body-mind. And once there is identification with the body-mind, then all seeking becomes inevitable and all illusions become possible.

Realization of the Truth, the Condition that is always already the case, requires the transcending of this contraction which is identification with the body-mind. [Avatar Adi Da holds up a clenched fist, and keeps it held during the following statements.] From that point of view, you experience terrible loss, and that same knot would rather not feel that way, would like something or other to be true that you know is not true-the child still lives and whatever. No, it’s not true, you see. And you’re going to die too, and so is everybody else. You are going to lose everyone, and everyone is going to lose you. How can this [still holding up a fist] be found acceptable? What could possibly console anyone in the face of that?

This [Adi Da opens His palm outward, and keeps it held during the following statements.] is required. The transcending of the self-contraction so that That which is always already the case is self-evident. It is self-sufficient. It is the Divine Self-Condition, Reality Itself, Truth Itself. Everything else is bondage and illusion. Everything else. This condition [still holding out His open hand] must be established through the sadhana. That which is always already the case must be Realized in this condition, no contraction.

The experience of terrible loss, like any number of other experiences that are potential in life, is a wound that should move you to what is Great, rather than fasten you to itself. Keep thinking about, meditating on a child lost and all that, you see–you just engage in the knot of the body-mind and wander in sorrow and all kinds of potential despair. The situation of life must move you beyond it. When the situation of life becomes one of disillusionment, one in which you cannot be consoled, where seeking cannot satisfy, then you come looking for Me–and entering into Communion with Me through self-forgetting is means given as a Gift to all beings to become established in That Which is Always Already the Case, the Divine Itself, which is the Self-Condition of all and all, without form, without blemish, without sorrow, without fear, without separateness, without relatedness, without otherness, without difference. It is a completely different position than the one in which you are at loss. Completely different position.

So, I don’t say this to you glibly at all. I understand, profoundly understand, the sorrow. And what I have just told you, I tell you with absolute seriousness. It’s not a casual matter. It’s not easy. But it is the Truth. A Great Truth, Absolutely True. And it can be Realized, and if you are serious about your life, you will insist on Realizing it and not submit yourself to what is less than that. You will turn from the contents, including the sorrow, the memory, and all the rest, turn the faculties to Me instead of upon that collection of memories with all of its contents, you see. By forgetting self in turning to Me, you will forget your sorrow, also. By entering into Communion with Me, you’ll enter the Domain of the Divine Condition. And having entered into that Domain, without turning back, you will Realize Me and be Translated into My Divine Domain which is Infinite, Absolute, and Always Already the Case.

And there is no other answer to your sorrow.

DEVOTEE:Thank You, my Lord. Thank You for Your Revelation, for Your Being here. I love You.