Relationships

Excerpt from:

THE “BRIGHTENING” WAY TALK
SERIES,The Yajna Discourses of Santosha Adi Da (1995-1996),
PROLOGUE, A Mastered Life, A Gathering “Consideration” with
Adi Da Samraj, Sugar Bowl Ski Resort, California, December
29, 1995

ADI DA SAMRAJ: (Men and
Women), in combining with one another, teach one another
lessons and should enable one another to share in something
that the other uses readily. So in effect, with all this
yin-yang mating, there’s a kind of yin-yanging of
each.

It serves own-body Yoga in fact,
ultimately, because the man, deficient perhaps in being able
to feel and be emotionally present and therefore even to be
sensuously associated with the body, is rather retarded,
because of his specialty, which has its function in the
natural domain. And so in association with females, or just
people of the more yinnish feeling characteristic, over time
he may learn how to be that, too.

And likewise the woman, who perhaps
dissociates from intelligent exercise in an emotionalistic
way and so forth, for instance that type, gains something of
the male in the male company that strengthens that
capability in her.

So in these yin-yang matings you are
effectively gifting one another with capabilities that you
each lack. If you’re too much the same, you cant make it. If
you’re too different, you cant make it, either.

So all meetings are exchanges, all
relations. There’s always a compensation going on. And if
its not that, not a sharing things that each other lacks,
and its the meeting between forces that have just the same
quality, or that have the same quality in a kind of
aggressive sense toward one another, or the same quality in
terms of a passive sense of one another, passive relation to
one another, then there’s no exchange, there’s no play. Both
components must be there for there to be play. But the play
winds up being not just opposites associating with one
another, but in the case of living beings, it becomes a kind
of a serving one another’s capacity to be whole. And to
bring the whole body-mind as an individual into Communion
with Me, rather than leave some part of it frozen there and
problematic.

So this is part of what intimates or
friends, or what people do with one another. So if you’re
intelligent, you know how to use all your company. Like I
did with Robert
the Cat, and on and on and
on. And then there’s the traditional story of
Dattatreya
who claimed he had some vast number of Gurus. And when asked
about this, he didn’t just talk about various human
teachers. He talked about the wind and animals and so forth.
So in other words, he understood that all meetings are
supposed to be an exchange used for enabling you to be more
whole and capable as a Contemplative.

So if you’re smart, you know how to
use relationships for this purpose, and you know why in any
circumstance there seems to be just antagonism or
disinterest or whatever. There are just these different
qualities of energy really, and every kind of energy has a
natural relation. Not just an intimate partner I’m talking
about, but it fits naturally with all different kinds of
things because they complement that one somehow. And
whenever there isn’t that, then there seems to be
disinterest or no connection and so on.

This is also a Law to understand
relative to entering into intimacy, then, if you know what
its really for altogether, what it must serve, but also how
it is used, when its right, that it is individuals
compensating for one another, introducing something that the
other doesn’t exercise. If that’s not there, there’s no
play. And if there’s too much, such that it becomes
struggle, or too little, such that it becomes boring, then
what you’re really acknowledging is that the play has
stopped. You became such, so good at American Gothic, mom
and dad, or Mr. and Mrs. America, wherever, that you forgot
what your relationship was about. [laughter] You
stopped playing and forgot even how to do it anymore, you
know? Then maybe you get the idea to go through it with
somebody else. But then unfortunately you do the same thing
all over again. And become boring eventually again.
[quiet laughter]

Anyway, if anyone is considering
someone relative to an intimate relationship, you’ve got to
be sure there is that play. It’s got to stay playful. That
means it has to be really good playful to begin with. And
you can be somewhat mysterious to one another in this sense
of having a side of exercising, and rather readily, what
you, as the other, find it very difficult ever to do. So its
a mystery to you that somebody could be doing that, you see.
[laughter] And so that makes the relationship
playful, because you’re probably doing the opposite in that
ones eyes, and you’re mysterious and interesting, and its
opposite energies. They are the play.

So basically that’s what’s going on
in relationships that, in this ordinary human sense, are
acknowledged by the individuals involved to be good. This is
basically what they’re acknowledging. Of course, there are
far greater requirements than that, but that certainly must
be there.

The best intimate partner for you is
one who will relentlessly and quite positively serve your
Realization of Me, and expect you to do the same in his or
her case.

……

“we should enter into
relationships not on the basis of the psychology of
dependence, wherein we lose Happiness or feel It to be
threatened or allow It to be disturbed by the mechanisms of
relationship, but we will move into the sphere of relations,
magnifying that Happiness which is in our own Place or in
the Transcendental Position. Then we are free to play our
relations, and they are no longer the expressions of
dependence on relations or objects for Happiness.”
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