Hearing and the Painful Knot of the self-Contraction

Adi Da Samraj – 1995



Adi Da Samraj: To really be in touch with the self-contraction in this community with me is to be on the verge of hearing. It shouldn’t take long. If you drop your vacations, you see, and just stay on the job. If you’ve heard me, then you’re in that position of your own making. That knot you’re making or that pinch you’re giving yourself. You can’t get rid of it. You can’t shake it. You know, allow yourself to even make an effort in that direction. So it is tapas. It is a profound ordeal. At the same time, it is full of absorptive communion with me and all the things associated with Right Life.

You must constantly be dealing directly with the self-contraction. And if you are in touch with it and you don’t like it, you want only this communion with me, you don’t want the self-contraction, but you’re having to feel it every moment. And it’s your doing, you see, it’s kind of in a spasm, you’ve got to do the sadhana to relax it and be full of me. So my brightness radiates through it and releases it quickly.

So if you have heard me, you don’t want to spend a lot of time getting beyond that knot, because it’s not comfortable at all. You become profoundly sensitized to it if you’ve heard me. And likewise, profoundly sensitized to me, that’s why seeing is next. But the knot is there, and it’s unavoidable, and you don’t like it. It is pain. It is fear. So this is what makes a renunciate out of people: the discovery of me and the self-contraction at the same time. In full hearing and seeing, you see, that’s what makes people renunciates because this pain, this extraordinary pain, at the same time, extraordinary bliss, but the pain is where you sit and you are moved to feel out of it, you see.

Be relieved of that enclosure, that divorce from the divine, that sinfulness, you see? So you dislike it so much, you dislike that knot so much, you see, that you become utterly concentrated in going beyond it. So that you have to just sit in a room all the time feeling beyond it, practicing the exercise of going beyond self-contraction into the state of radiance, you see? Love bliss, energy, light, and you would not be distracted from it because you do not want to. Be simply sitting in that pain of self-contraction, you see?

It’s basically what Rudi was referring to, not really knowing all together when he was talking about, you see? Just wanted to deal with this incredible stress, you see? Frontal stress, but it’s the ego in the object. You can’t bust it from outside, you see? You can’t relax the body that much, you see? You have to deal with the root of egoity itself. It’s in the conscious domain and, in communion with me, move beyond it. You can’t just work on the body-mind. You have to find out the ego act, you see? And exercise the flower constantly, every moment, but it is a pain. And it’s, as I said, lots of adaptations producing results somehow, you see? So you’re always are going to have to feel beyond ego in itself, but also all of its results, you see? So that makes it an ordeal of pain, of tapas, you see? Which you would do well, because you’re also in communion with me, and have my wisdom, you see, but it’s still pain, but you have become intelligent with it, you know what you’re doing and can make this exercise of going beyond the self-contraction.

It’s a process, so there are things to be endured and felt beyond and that, that’s a purifying process. But you would not, if you really, truly have heard me, sensitive altogether, you would not have that take a long time, you see? The exercise of hearing then is to be sensitive to it as contraction itself, to be in the position of the pain, not outside of it. The self-contraction itself is fundamental pain altogether. Disturbance altogether, and ordinary life is motivated by it because it is so profound and it’s detached from the fundamental reality, or the divine reality, you see? It is lost in mire, in appearances, presumptions.

You imagine that you’re seeing the room, whereas in fact, you’re just seeing one little view. Because that’s confusing, you’re not seeing reality then, you’re seeing an appearance. It your own egoity. You can’t be in another position, you can’t be in the position of the totality of the room. What position are you in? Some self-enclosure of thoughts and perceptions, because it’s very uncomfortable to make this discovery of egoity, you see? But as I said to you earlier, it’s not truly, profoundly discovered except in the condition of grace, of communion with me, and reception of my teaching. And then, so you see, in that total context that the ego is located also. That’s hearing, you see, the true discovery of the self, knot coincident with this whole process of communion with me, for the wisdom of instruction that you apply.

What about that?

Devotee: Think you were talking about a matter of hearing closely with this recession earlier.

Adi Da Samraj: Mm-hmm (affirmative). I know what we were talking about, I don’t know if you had a response to it.