The Transformation of the Seeker’s Meditation into “Real” Meditation
Chapter 19 of The Knee of Listening (2004)
The Transformation of the Seeker’s Meditation into “Real” Meditation
The first form of “meditation” Enjoyed in my life was the “Bright”. The “Bright” is also the ultimate form of “meditation”. But the “Bright” of my childhood was not associated with “radical” (or “gone-to-the-root”) self-understanding in life. Therefore, the “Bright” of my childhood was not supported by an unwavering life-intelligence. As a young boy, I perceived the “Bright”, and I Enjoyed it, but I could not stably Abide in It. And, eventually, against my wishes, It receded into life itself (and into a coming-and-going play in life). Thus, in time, I became devoted to a course of seeking-but even my seeking was aided and supported by my earliest intuition of Reality Itself, Which is the “Bright”. I was required to thoroughly investigate the Nature of my own humanly-born conscious awareness. And I had to understand most perfectly before I could finally Abide permanently in the Enjoyment of the “Bright”, the perfect Form (and the Source of the living condition) of Reality.
The history of my experience as a seeker is a course of experimentation in relation to the forces of life (conceived as the manifestation of the “problem of existence” on various levels of experience). In college, I dealt with Truth as an intellectual problem. In my period of writing and self-exploitation, I dealt with Truth as a vital and emotional problem. With Rudi, I dealt with Truth as a moral and psychic problem. In due course, I dealt with Truth as a problem of the mind. With Baba, I dealt with Truth as the problem of phenomenally-based Spiritual experience (which is the problem of superconsciousness). And when I experimented with such things as diet, fasting, and self-discipline altogether, I was dealing with Truth as a physical problem.
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