HEART CONVERSION TALK SERIES Volume 1, Number 4 Duty, Tolerance, and self-Transcendence A Discourse Given by Sri Da Avabhasa on December 12,
1992 DEVOTEE: Sri Gurudev, I feel such gratitude to You
for making Yourself available to be with us. I feel the
incomparable Grace that You, the Sat-Guru, are willing to
gather with us and have this “consideration” with us. I feel
such a profound need for all Your Gifts. SRI DA AVABHASA: Fine. That is all safe enough to
say. Now get down to it. If you only make speeches like
this, you are not going to handle any business here at all.
I just presume that you feel this way. DEVOTEE: I realize that I need to go beyond my
self-protectiveness in relationship with You. The very first
time I ever spoke with You, in the Manner of Flowers in
1977, You asked me about my emotional-sexual history. I was
known in the community at that time as being a pretty
reserved person, and to be speaking with You about the
intimate content of my life was quite out of character for
me. But when You looked at me, all I could feel was that You
saw me as I really am and not as the limitations that I
presume. I felt completely free to confess the limitations
that I assume because I knew that they were nothing to You.
I could feel that You are here to release me from being
bound by my own diversions. SRI DA AVABHASA: It has been fifteen years since that
conversation. DEVOTEE: Yes, fifteen years. SRI DA AVABHASA: And you are still in the same
situation? DEVOTEE: There is some sense in which it is true that
I am still in the same situation, but there is also more
than that. You have said that Your devotees are not
liberated by stages, but directly, through
feeling-Contemplation of You. I feel that I am not
altogether in the same situation because I am Yours much
more than I was then. SRI DA AVABHASA: Tcha. DEVOTEE: I feel that every opportunity to be with You
that You Offer Your devotees is a profound Grace. I also
feel that in this unique circumstance in Your direct
Company, it is our obligation to be Your coins, to
participate with You for the sake of all Your devotees. I
thank You for this entire period of gathering. I want to
thank You on behalf of all devotees for all this time in
which You are gathering with us. SRI DA AVABHASA: Tcha. And so? Now that you are here, what do you have to
deal with? DEVOTEE: What I am most in touch with is how much I
need You, and how I must make use of all the ways You have
Given to us to Commune with You. SRI DA AVABHASA: You are just not going to get into
it, is that it? [Laughter.] What is it? DEVOTEE: I very much appreciate . . . SRI DA AVABHASA: I mean, what is it? What is the
problem? DEVOTEE: It is difficult to speak about it in Your
Company, Sri Gurudev. SRI DA AVABHASA: Why? DEVOTEE: All the problems seem to be obliterated
when I sit with You. SRI DA AVABHASA: Then I will leave and come back
later. DEVOTEES: NO! DEVOTEE: In Your Company, there are no
questions. SRI DA AVABHASA: Why do your so-called problems not
seem equally absurd when you are not in My physical
Company? DEVOTEE: I just do not have the same humor outside
Your physical Company. SRI DA AVABHASA: You are supposed to have the same
Heart-Master. You are supposed to be living alone with Me at
all times. You are supposed to be practicing
self-surrendering, self-forgetting devotional Contemplation
of Me always. DEVOTEE: I have felt more than ever that I am
purposed to go through this process in Your Company, rather
than fulfilling my particular karmas. Since You have Given
those of us who live at Sri Love-Anandashram the discipline
of fasting our intimate relationships for a period, I have
observed more about myself. On the one hand, we fast our
relationships with our intimates most of the time, but then,
when we gather with You, You Give us the opportunity to
associate with our intimates. Because of this, I have hadd
the opportunity see both sides of my approach to intimate
relationship. Strangely enough, this has magnified my
awareness of my karmic addiction to the emotional-sexual
search. I feel that attachment more strongly, almost to the
point of feeling afraid of Your Call to renunciation. SRI DA AVABHASA: As My devotee, you are supposed to
be doing a very specific saddhana relative to seeking, are
you not? That is what the listening-hearing process is all
about. You are supposed to be going through the process of
that saddhana, part of which involves self-observation. In
the course of that practice, you must deal with the
self-contraction that is the root of seeking, rather than
simply seeking and running after your preferred objects. DEVOTEE: I yearn for that place where I will feel
the end of duality, the end of being the self-contraction,
the end of the motivation that underlies all of my motions
away, rather than staying in place. I feel the frustration
of not being at that summary place. SRI DA AVABHASA: What have you not observed about
this matter? DEVOTEE: Sri Gurudev, in the moments of pleasurable
involvement such as I feel when I engage in my relationship
with my intimate partner (during the times when that is
permitted), I feel that I am not fully observant of the fact
that the self-contraction is at the base of that search for
pleasure. In the past, in my puritanical mode, I would
notice that I was being distracted and I would try to
suppress myself, becoming idealistic about what practice
looks like. I do not feel that approach is an option
anymore. But I notice that I still have not reached the
point of noticing that the self-contraction is what is
underlying my seeking. SRI DA AVABHASA: You are describing yourself as
someone who seeks pleasure and avoids pain. You are saying
that in a circumstance of pleasure, whatever it may be,
sexual or something else for that matter, you do not observe
yourself. You are not sensitive to your own activity of
self-contraction. In that circumstance, you do not really do
saddhana—you just indulge in the pleasurable
distraction. DEVOTEE: It seems to me that I do practice more
intensely during the painful, difficult times. SRI DA AVABHASA: Because you do not want them. But
you want the pleasurable ones. Are pleasurable experiences
satisfying? DEVOTEE: I can feel that there is something about
pleasurable experiences that is painful as well. The pain
associated with pleasurable moments feels to me something
like being an animal in heat. SRI DA AVABHASA: If you were not something like an
animal in heat, you would not be having sex, would you? DEVOTEE: No. It is a vital urge. SRI DA AVABHASA: Is desiring sexual contact
painful? DEVOTEE: There is something about that that I have
noticed. SRI DA AVABHASA: Is satisfying that desire
pleasurable? Is fulfilling the desire pleasurable? What does
the satisfaction involve—relief from the pain? DEVOTEE: Yes. SRI DA AVABHASA: The satisfaction you achieve is
relief from the stress and the pain of desiring. So are you
really satisfying yourself with your pleasures or are you
just engaging in another form of escape from pain? DEVOTEE: I do feel a temporary release. SRI DA AVABHASA: This is how you use pleasure, to
escape the pain of desire? DEVOTEE: Yes. SRI DA AVABHASA: So you are not somebody who seeks
pleasure and avoids pain—you are somebody who avoids
pain. You seek to escape pain. That is the one thing you are
doing. Is that it? DEVOTEE: Yes, I think that is more characteristic of
me as a person. SRI DA AVABHASA: Are you ever not seeking to avoid
pain or escape it? Are you ever not doing that? Are you just
acutely sensitive to pain and always trying to escape
it? DEVOTEE: I am acutely sensitive to it. SRI DA AVABHASA: So when you are consorting with
your intimate partner, it is not merely that you are
enjoying your partner and what you do with your partner. You
are using that opportunity to escape your own pain. The
principal relation is your own pain. DEVOTEE: I think that it is true of me that I am
someone who is just devoted to avoiding pain. Some people
are more devoted to having pleasure. SRI DA AVABHASA: Are you sure? DEVOTEE: It seems to me that perhaps more “vital” types are more this way. SRI DA AVABHASA: You do not know—perhaps they
are trying to escape their own pain as well. Sexual desire
is not pleasurable. Release from sexual desire is what is
pleasurable. The pleasure is the momentary release from the
pain of the desire. This is why, in the usual sexual
engagement, people pursue orgasm. The whole reason for the
sexual occasion itself, is the pain, the stress of your own
desire. You cannot be liberated from that merely by touching
one another and saying sweet things. You have to have an
explosive release from the knot of your own suffering. The
orgasm is the technique you use together to relieve
yourselves from the pain you separately suffer. That is why
you got together. So the origin of the relationship, the
origin of any moment of contact, sexual pleasure or whatever
it may be, is the pain that you are acutely sensitive to and
the effort you are making to be released of it. Pain is the motive behind pleasure. That is how the
self-contraction can be observed in moments of pleasure,
then. In the circumstance of pleasure, observe the pain
behind it and the effort to be relieved from that pain.
address this, observe this. Notice this and you discover
that it is your own activity. That activity is perpetual. It
is not only present in the form of sex desire, it is
constantly enacted. That activity is universally enacted in
the body-mind through every function, every circumstance,
every relation, every moment. You are manufacturing the same
stressful pain all the time. That pain is the knot of your
own activity, of the self-contraction. When you become sensitive to this fact, which
underlies all your other activities, then you can address it
directly in every moment, in the context of every function,
every circumstance, every relation. This becomes your
saddhana, then—addressing this contraction, feeling
beyond it rather than engaging in the repetitive rituals of
the search to escape this knot without addressing it. Merely
to indulge in some desire is not to eliminate the
self-contraction. Merely indulging in desire is to relieve
the sensations associated with that desire for a moment. But
then the desire reappears. It constantly reappears—as
sexual desire or in some other form. In every moment, you
are dealing with the same stress, the same knot, the same
sensation, the same difficulty, the same
motivator—which you will discover is your activity of
contraction, separation, dissociation, avoidance of
relationship. That is the motivator behind all activity in
the usual man or woman. This is what you must discover. You must develop that understanding to the point of
most fundamental responsibility for your own activity, which
is what I call “hearing”. In the listening phase of your
saddhana in the Way of the Heart, you are “considering” My
Instruction, “considering” My Communication to you in all
the forms that relate to your observation of this activity
of self-contraction, this activity that is behind all of
your motives, all of your desires, all of your activities.
That contraction is always present. It is the motivator
behind all your activities. When you think you are involved in pleasure, you are
really only involved in another moment in the ceremony of
dealing with the stress of your self-contraction. Pleasure
is not perpetual. Pain is perpetual. The stress of
self-contraction is not pleasurable. Pleasure is only a
moment. You seek pleasure because, in the moment of
pleasure, you are relieved of the stress of the
self-contraction. But pleasure does not perpetuate itself.
The pain is restored instantly. Somehow or other, you tend
to become addicted to every thing that you have ever found
that can give you momentary release from the stress of
self-contraction. If the source of your pleasure is not
always instantly available to you, then you involve yourself
in various rituals of seeking for it. You are addicted to
all of these things that can, at least for a moment, relieve
you of the sensation of your own stress and
self-contraction. Your life is filled with rituals that are bound to
the search to be released from this stress. Your moments of
release are just moments, brief, not lasting. The more you
indulge in whatever you feel gives you this relief, the more
your ability to released by that indulgence decreases. This
is true of anything you have ever felt afforded you such a
moment of relief, anything you have indulged in for the sake
of that relief. As with any addiction, at first the experience that
makes you an addict gives you the sensation of release. You
then crave that experience again. You repeat the indulgence.
But the more times you repeat it, the less you are able to
be released by it. This is true of any addiction—it is
obviously true of the grossest of addictions, such as drug
addiction and alcohol addiction, for instance. But it is
also true of any addiction, whatever it may be. The more you
do it, the less you feel relieved by whatever it is that you
have been indulging in. So it is with this emotional-sexual
matter. Like any other addiction, the more you indulge
yourself in it, the less you are being relieved in any sense
and the more you are occupied with the indulgence itself,
and with attachments, obligations, demands from others, on
and on. All this just to occasionally indulge in the ritual
of momentary release. Over time, your emotional-sexual addiction is less
and less able to even give you that sensation of release.
After a while, you are stuck with the rituals and the
“others” that you involved in those rituals—and the
release itself is less and less intense. The whole matter is
much less interesting, and yet you have all of these
entanglements. It was supposed to be a ritual of release,
but it is nothing but an addicts bondage. In this
emotional-sexual area, for instance, people are always
looking for some way or other to get out of their
relationship, get a new one, change something about whatever
they may be doing with one another, and so on, whatever
their particular strategy may be. You are always working on
your addiction. You are always working to get a better
“hit”, a better quality “other”, whatever your game for
improving your chances of getting a “hit” may be. In the
midst of it, you are just an addict. You think that because you have relinquished grosser
addictions, addictions that are not generally socially
acceptable, that you are not an addict. Because you are
involved in socially acceptable addictions, you think that
you are not an addict, that you are a normal person. What is
called “normal” is just the commonly accepted way of being
an addict. It is still the same business. There are ways of
handling emotional-sexual activity that are socially
acceptable. Emotional-sexual seeking is just a way to be an
addict that is commonly agreed to be socially acceptable.
But that does not make it any less of an addiction.
Functioning as an ego, the longer you are involved in an
intimate relationship, the less interesting it is, the less
anything you are doing in that relationship relieves you. In
fact, the relationship itself tends to become more and more
a burden, a source of stress, an intrusion, an obligation,
and so on. You have noticed this, right? DEVOTEES: Yes. SRI DA AVABHASA: The reason you may not be so
sensitive to the self-contraction, or the pain that is
motivating you, in moments of pleasure is that, in that
moment, you are totally preoccupied with getting relief from
your stress. You are totally involved with your search, with
your method for seeking relief. You do not want anything to
do with having to be very disciplined at that moment. You do
not want to have to introduce sila, the process of
self-understanding, and all the rest of it. You do not want
to deny yourself the release. To you, in that moment, to be
denied the moment of release is a “downer”. When you are
getting it on, it is a “downer” to get serious. [To the
devotee who was speaking] You are talking like an addict
and telling Me that you do not understand anything about it.
You are telling Me that you just feel good when you do it
and that is it, flat. DEVOTEE: No, that is not true, Sri Gurudev. SRI DA AVABHASA: It sounds to Me like I am not being
too exaggerated in My description of you. Everybody here
heard what you said. Am I close to describing what is going
on here? DEVOTEES: Yes. SRI DA AVABHASA: You are just talking like an
addict, irrationally, egoically “self-possessed” (or self
absorbed), possessed by your own seeking. Even after all
these years, you are still doing the same thing and giving
Me the same sadd old story—just like a true addict. DEVOTEE: I do not know how to say this to You. I am
a true addict, but I do feel the suffering of it. SRI DA AVABHASA: What sort of circumstances do
people involved in socially unacceptable addictions wind up
in? If it possibly can, the social order takes steps to stop
addicts from continuing to indulge in their addictions. If
that is the case in the common order, then in a culture such
as this, the culture of the Way of the Heart, which is a
religious culture that has come together on the basis of an
agreement to practice the Way of the Heart and on the
understanding that the culture is to serve every members
Divine Self-Realization, must take steps in relation to the
observable addictions in each individual. Notice the
addiction, the egoic “self-possession”, the dramatization,
all the rest of it. Bring it to one anothers attention.
Establish agreements that interfere with the indulgence of
the addict. Establish yamas and niyamas that require you to
purify yourself, that require you to understand what you are
up to. There are a number of things like that that you must
do. Perhaps you will even totally abandon the object of your
addiction. An alcoholic in the common social order, for
instance, is usually addmonished to completely relinquish all
use of alcohol. I have “considered” this emotional-sexual matter
with My devotees for decaddes now. I have “considered” it
with you in every possible fashion. I have been totally
direct with you about it. I have looked at it from every
angle. And now, more than two decaddes later, you are still
bringing me the same report. I must conclude that I am
dealing with addicts. I am not dealing with rational people
who “considered” the matter with Me intelligently,
seriously—people who could examine it, understand it,
drop what is badd about it, embrace what may be right from
some point of view, and get on with their lives. You have
not done that. You continue to function as addicts. You
never get the understanding. You never change your act. What is the reason, then, for the discipline I have
Called you who live here at Sri Love-Anandashram to embrace?
What is the purpose of the discipline I have Called all My
devotees to embrace? What is the purpose of it? That purpose
is Me dealing directly with you as addicts, as egos. You
must, at least with the amount of self-understanding you do
have, be willing to embrace a discipline relative to your
addiction—there are no two ways about it. Relative to
this emotional-sexual matter, I am not dealing with great
Yogis and Yoginis. I am dealing with very ordinary,
ego-based addicts. That is why I Call you to embrace
discipline relative to your emotional-sexual life, as well
as to every other area of life. Have you readd My Wisdom-Teaching? I think I have
covered it all there. The practice of the Way of the Heart
involves conservative discipline, devotional practice, a
whole life of service and meditation, specific discipline
relative to every function, every relation, every
circumstance, every life-possibility. The purpose of that
discipline is to conserve your involvement in all of the
entanglements of your addictive life in order to enable you
to move beyond the bondage of the first three stages of life
and enter into this true sphere of this saddhana. There are more potential addictions along the way.
In every one of the first six stages of life, there are
objects, states, experiences, and so forth, that you may
seek in order to release yourself from the stress of
self-contraction. There are addictions, forms of seeking,
that are dealt with in various ways in the addvanced and the
ultimate stages of life. But at the beginning, primarily I
must address your ordinary life-preoccupations, or
addictions. And I have covered it all in My
Wisdom-Teaching. DEVOTEE: The primary addiction that I feel is the
addiction to the illusion of mind. SRI DA AVABHASA: A body of pleasure to replace the
pain. You serve the same illusory purpose with the
mind—idealizing life, idealizing behavior,
superimposing some idealistic notion or other on what you do
and on what others do. You idealize what life is in order to
somehow make life, which is itself self-contraction, into
some absolute release or pleasure. You try to make life
itself a Divine Condition. There is only one Divine
Condition, and It is not conditional existence or any of the
potential conditional states. No potential conditional state
is the Divine Condition in and of itself. But to function
idealistically with the mind is to try to manipulate and
otherwise interpret conditional matters and states, to make
them appear to be Divine in order to justify your addiction
to them. The bodys search for pleasure and the minds
idealization of conditional states—it is all the same
activity. To understand that it is all this activity of the
self-contraction is hearing. True hearing is when you know
that all of it is your search, when you are no longer
involved in the objects of that search but are dealing
directly with the self-contraction itself. True hearing is
not a metaphysical matter, or an idea merely. It is this
summary comprehension. In that comprehension, you are
addressing the one thing that is your own contraction. You
are dealing with the self-contraction moment by moment,
regardless of what arises—because whatever arises, you
are still always only engaged in the same activity. Knowing
this is true hearing. Exercising the capability to stand
free of the self-contraction based on this knowing is the
capability of true hearing. This is the necessary foundation
for practice in the addvanced and the ultimate stages of life
in the Way of the Heart. Without the capability of true
hearing, you would enter into the addvanced and the ultimate
stages of life as an oblivious addict. Talk to any addict in the midst of his or her
addiction. In that situation, the individual shows no
clarity, no willingness to take on discipline. addicts tend
to be liars, manipulators. They avoid everything you say, or
they go along with you and say, “Yes, yes, yes,” but then
they go and do it some more. You know something about how
addicts function in terms of “gross” addictions. It is the
same with everybody. Before Most Perfect self-transcendence,
even before real responsibility for this self-contraction,
everybody is an addict just like everybody who is involved
in “gross” addictions. The world is a gigantic asylum of
addicts. DEVOTEE: In Your Wisdom-Teaching, You have Written
about the various functions that discipline serves in the
listening phase of the Way of the Heart, and then in the
hearing and the seeing phases. SRI DA AVABHASA: In the listening phase of the Way
of the Heart, self-discipline serves the function of
reflecting you to yourself. In other words, in the listening
phase, you have not understood yourself yet. Therefore, in
the beginning discipline is not an expression of most
fundamental self-understanding. There may be some
understanding there, but the principal function of the
discipline is to reflect you to yourself, to give you the
means to observe yourself. Self-discipline does this not
merely in the moment of pleasure but moment by moment, even
when there is only the search and not much of a sense of
pleasurable release from it. That is the purpose of the disciplines in the
listening phase of practice. In the hearing phase and
beyond, discipline is an expression or an extension of your
self-understanding, which is most fundamental. In the listening phase of the Way of the Heart, you
are in My Company for some time as I adddress you relative to
these matters. I address you either directly, verbally as I
am doing now, or through your study of My
Wisdom-Teaching—which is Me again. But if the listening
phase goes on for too long, I must Call you to a greater
discipline, because this listening process is supposed to
become consequential to the point of true hearing, and it is
supposed to do so directly, as quickly as possible, in a
finite period of time. If I find you going on and on and on,
taking years and decaddes, then I know you are avoiding what
is necessary. It is absolutely so. If you are so much of an
addict that you cannot deal with your impediments to the
God-Realizing process in a simple, ordinary circumstance,
then you must discipline yourself further. The “grossest”
addict cannot afford to have anything to do with his or her
objects of seeking. The ordinary addict can perhaps have
something to do with some of it, if there is the right
discipline, the right understanding. But you can never have
anything to do with the search and have it be right. The
search is always the same thing. You can have something to
do with ordinary relations, friendships, intimacies perhaps,
and so on. You can have meals every day. But as My true
devotee, you must transcend the search. Retain what is ordinary, retain what you can be
responsible for as a true devotee of Mine. Totally abandon
what you must abandon. And what is that? That is anything
that you cannot deal with responsibly as My devotee. If you
go on for ten, twenty years talking emotional-sexual addict
to Me, you must take some steps. What do you think? DEVOTEE: I feel a little gun-shy about this, Sri
Gurudev. SRI DA AVABHASA: Of what exactly? DEVOTEE: Of taking dramatic steps, because . . . SRI DA AVABHASA: Because you are an addict? DEVOTEE: Because of my addiction to idealism. SRI DA AVABHASA: What is idealistic about being
disciplined? DEVOTEE: I have always felt that the disciplines
that You have Given me have greatly served me. But on the
other hand, I see my addiction to idealism. You have said
that it is not the intimacies themselves that are binding,
it is what you do in them that is binding. SRI DA AVABHASA: Intimacies themselves can very well
be binding. That is why some people wind up being celibate
renunciates. Those who make that choice perceive that there
is not one thing that they can do with their intimacies that
is not binding. For them, the whole thing is binding. Of
course, some among those who make this choice may not have
any great impulse to emotional-sexual intimacy to begin
with. They discard it without having to deal with very much.
Others may come to making such a choice eventually, because
they see that it does not make a difference what they do
with it—it is still wrong, it is still binding, it is
still the search. They see that their emotional-sexual
involvement is still an alternative to the saddhana
itself. You are realizing nothing. You are just entangling
yourself more and more, distracting yourself more and more,
and there is nothing coming of it. Intimacies can be
binding. Intimacies can also continue, but in either case,
there must be self-understanding, truly as My devotee, with
right discipline. Then your emotional-sexual intimacy may
not be an impediment, or at least it may not be a
significant impediment. As I have told you, if you are going
to enter seriously into this “consideration” of your
emotional-sexual life, you must enter into it freely, aware
that it may very well turn out that you should embrace a
greater discipline, even celibacy itself. If that is what
the observation comes down to, then you must be willing to
do that. DEVOTEE: I see that the only way one can embrace a
Yogic sexual saddhana is from that free disposition of not
holding on to intimacy for any kind of conventional
purpose. SRI DA AVABHASA: But you are holding on to it for
conventional purposes. Where is the Yoga in that? Where is
the good in it? Where is the freedom? Where is the
responsibility for self-understanding, the addvancement in
practice? You are always arranging and rearranging your
intimate life, and you never get down to any growth in
saddhana. It is just on and on and on and it never stops. You
are not practicing the saddhana I have Given to you relative
to intimacy, so nothing ever comes of it. DEVOTEE: Sri Gurudev, You have also described the
Yoga of necessity in Your Wisdom-Teaching—or the Yoga
of embracing those aspects of life that one needs to embrace
to establish equanimity. SRI DA AVABHASA: What is right and necessary is to
be discovered in each case. Apparently, you all seem to
think that you have far more necessities than I think you
do. d DEVOTEE: Sri Gurudev, You have spoken about the
circle we draw around ourselves in our intimacies. SRI DA AVABHASA: When your practice is true, you
break the circle and you have nothing more to do with
it—nothing. In that case, there are no circles. There
are no contracts between intimates in My Company. You have
your solemn and most profound obligations in relation to Me.
Your intimacies are agreements, madde with Me, that serve the
purpose of Perfectly self-transcending God-Realization. If
that is not the case, they should not exist. You must be
willing to discipline these intimacies based on My
Instruction. You do not need patronizing consolation games in
your intimacies. Love is a sacrifice. Love, if it is to be
real, is not what is called “love” out in the world. That is
attachment, entering into intimacy for the sake of helping
some other to be consoled and to survive. True love is a
sacrifice. It is an extension of your devotion to Me. It is
a willingness to help another to Realize God in My Company.
And nothing else should enter into it. Nothing else,
whatsoever. All the cute nonsense you indulge in in your
intimacies must be abandoned. The only thing you should do
in these intimacies is fulfill My Instructions. This gives
strength to men and it gives strength to women. It frees you
of dependency, and stupidity and the need for consolation.
Each of you has your relationship to Me. Each of you has
your devotional life, your God-Realizing life. That is what
you have—and that is all you have. Everything else,
including your intimacies, is merely a Yogic circumstance
that will enable you to further to transcend yourself and to
fulfill My addmonitions more completely. I expect you to drop
anything else you are doing like the plague. That is what
you all must discuss with one another, and with your
intimates. This is My addmonition. What are you doing in these relations that does not
measure up to My addmonition? That is what you must discuss
with one another. Make new agreements. When you meet in your
devotional groups, you make a confession, your friends
reflect you back to yourself, and then you are to take on
yamas and niyamas and be obliged thereafter to fulfill the
discipline. This is the kind of conversation you must have
with your intimates. This is why I suggest that sometimes
you have devotional groups to which your intimates can come,
so that you can “consider” your intimacy with one another,
so that you can confess whatever limitations may exist in
your intimacies, so that you can “consider” how your
intimacies may or may not fall short of My addmonition. Then,
on that basis, make new agreements and be held accountable
by the culture of My devotees. Your intimate relations are for the sake of
transcending yourself, not fulfilling yourself. Understand
this. It is so. Anything you are doing in your intimacies
that is about fulfilling yourself or consoling yourself you
must drop. You must observe yamas and niyamas and be held
accountable by the culture relative to every single fraction
of your intimate life. This is My addmonition to you. When
you get together to handle business, this is what you are to
be doing. Whatever falls short of My addmonition in your
intimacies, say it to one another, discuss it, make
agreements, have somebody write it down, and be held
accountable from that moment on. No more nonsense! DEVOTEE: I want to thank You for Your Gift of
feeling-Contemplation of You. I feel that the great Gifts
You have Given me allow me to forget myself and remember
You. SRI DA AVABHASA: You are Given that Grace even as a
woman. There is no “even” about it in My View, but in the
circumstance of the tradditions, women were not given the
Dharma directly. Women were expected to marry and, in some
social sense, the womans husband was her “guru”. The men,
the husbands, all went to Gurus or to the temple, whatever
it may have been. They got the Dharma there and applied some
behavioral aspect of what they learned to their wives. Women
did not get the Dharma directly. Women got some behavioral
obligations. They were kept out of the temples. They did not
get to go to the Gurus. They did not get to do saddhana in
any full sense. But I address everyone, male and female. What does that mean then? Men and women must
surrender to Me. You women, then, have to stop relating to
your men as your “guru”. The traddition of intimacy is about
making husbands, or the men, in some sense, into “gurus”. A
woman gets involved with a man and she is dissociated from
everything. She makes that relationship into a thing in
itself, dissociates herself from the great possibility of
saddhana, and just becomes somebody baddly born, in effect, an
“untouchable” who cannot go into the sacred places, who
cannot make the great gestures of saddhana, and who does not
really care about it. She is just there to nuzzle up with
her boyfriend and observe her household duties and
satisfactions and all the rest of it. Men, likewise, instigate that in women. Men suggest
that somehow or other this is right. They suggest that this
is how they want women to relate to them. This is an
accurate criticism of men: Men do not want their women to be
free. They do not want women to have direct access to the
Guru and to the process of real saddhana. Men want women to
be attached to them, as if the male were a world in and of
himself. Men instigate this orientation in women, or they
allow it, and the women very much get into it. The social
circumstance of intimacy functions exactly that way. In My Company, women are called directly to the
full process of saddhana. You must understand the
implications of that. You must abandon the traddition of
making your intimate male friend your “guru”. You have a
direct relationship to Me, and you can have no other “guru”.
Likewise, your man can have no other “guru”. I am your only
Guru. You live alone with Me. If it is right, you may be involved in intimacies,
but you must do it as My devotee. You must observe true
discipline there, and do not entangle yourself in an egoic,
worldly manner. A profound change must occur in the actual
life-behavior of women and in the disposition of men. This
is so, and the community of My devotees has not yet
understood this. You have assumed various disciplines, such
as the “architecture of living”, and so on. But you still do
not have a basic comprehension of the change that must take
place. Everybody is still wandering in this householder
mode—this tradditional mode of living, in which women
are, in effect, consenting to something that most women
these days do not want to do anymore, or so it seems. They
say they do not want to, anyway. So why not do something
different? Why live like household wives? Why are you
involved in this romantic fealty to the male “other” in your
intimacy? Why are you attaching yourself to sex and sexual
intimacies in an egoically “self-possessed” and
self-destructive manner? Be a free devotee of Mine. Show
that sign. Then your “consideration” of how you must live
with your male intimate will change and you will relate to
one another in an entirely different fashion. You will not
live in the tradditional manner, in what is said to be the
worldly norm. You will not live in that fashion anymore. DEVOTEE: Sri Gurudev, when I left Sri
Love-Anandashram several months ago, I was a celibate
renunciate. I chose that after fifteen years of living in an
intimate relationship and being totally fearful of being on
my own. You were with me every single step of the way. You
Guided me. You took care of me. There was no need to find
anything else because You madde Yourself so present in my
life. SRI DA AVABHASA: When a woman finds her
Heart-Husband, she does not need another husband. DEVOTEE: You can do it with anybody. It has nothing
to do with me. It is all You—all You. SRI DA AVABHASA: Perhaps a male friend is
appropriate, if I Bless it, for the sake of saddhana and for
no other purpose. You are now involved in an intimacy again
and you continue to have obligations toward Me. Each of My
devotees is similarly obliged in relationship to Me. Men,
women—all are single with Me. All are here to embrace
My Instruction. Live My Instruction out with your intimates.
Make a Yoga out of your application to My Instruction. Do it
and do it right, as I Require you to. It is not that you are looking for the ultimate
partner who can go with you to God-Realization. You want to
be with somebody who will play your aberrated game with you,
even without saying a word about it. That is, you seek one
another out in your intimate relationships. You are asking,
“Who will do my thing with me?” You keep looking for the
face, the headd, the words, the one who will do that dumb
thing with you. More often than not, that is exactly why
intimate relations occur. You find somebody who is willing
to enter into an agreement, in most cases a tacit agreement,
even without the words of agreement, to play your game with
you. You make a silent agreement to bind one another,
without saying so. A man will not realize his strength until he knows
he does not depend on women, or any one woman. You men
should live your relationship to Me. This is what makes you
manly. If you have a relationship to any woman, it must be a
manly relationship, full of the law of My Instruction.
Otherwise, you become aberrated and dissociated from Me. Can you women deal with the fact that you are not
owned? As My devotees, I expect that to be your disposition.
You are not owned. Women, you must be aware that you are not
owned, that you are not obliged in the householder sense.
You are not in the slightest bit owned. You are free,
independent (in the right sense), One-on-one with Me. You
are My devotee. You are not owned by virtue of being in an
intimacy. I am talking for real here. The men sitting by
your side have to cut the link. You are Mine, as they are,
and that is the end of it. The psychology of not being owned
is a discipline that My female devotees must embrace with
true understanding and fullest demonstration. Do not consent
to be owned. Men, do not let your women friends be owned by
you. Women, stop being stupid. From now on, no man is going
to replace your intelligence. I do not replace your
intelligence. I Give you intelligence. Are you capable of an intimacy without the
psychology of being owned in any way? Are you capable of
assuming your right independence so that when I or anyone
else has a discussion with you, you are just you? The fact
that you have an intimacy with someone does not color you,
qualify you, or eliminate what you must deal with in any way
whatsoever. It said tradditionally that only those who could
become renunciates in the tradditional absolutist celibate
renunciate sense hadd the possibility of becoming
God-Realized to any degree. In My Company, all beings have
the possibility of Divine Self-Realization, if they are
willing to embrace this discipline and this response. And
women are among those who have been bound by the tradditional
prescriptions. In this century, women all over the world are
becoming sensitive to their bondage. They have begun to
become sensitive to the things they make out of their
emotional-sexual contracts, and so forth, and they have
started to rebel. I expect you to take your need to shake
off this bondage seriously. I am not suggesting that you
need to become lesbians, (although some make may an
appropriate homosexual choice for other reasons) in order to
deal with this particular form of bondage. I am not
suggesting any kind of angularity at all. Just as men have
presumed their independence to whatever degree they have,
you women must also do so—whether you are involved in
intimate relations or not. You are individuals in direct
relationship to Me, living the Divine life without
impediment. You do not get access to the God-Realizing
process through your boyfriend—you get it directly from
Me. Do not support in one another the psychology that says
that women are owned objects, dependent little creatures
with less than absolute rights and direct access to the
Divine. This is what I mean by handling business
dramatically and for real. I am your Heart-Husband. When a woman is Husbanded
in the true sense, she does not enter into the contracts of
aberration and fealty with anyone. You must establish your
intimacies on an entirely different basis than is done in
the world and than is done tradditionally. That is how women
will be liberated—not only in the ultimate sense but in
the human sense, socially, by refusing these contracts of
dependence and incapability. Do not look for those things
from men anymore. Be Husbanded by Me. The other night, I spoke to you about a Sikh
Realizer of a certain degree who lived in India very
recently, and how he dealt with the fact that he was a
married man, and with the fact that he hadd children. If you
asked him how he did the saddhana, how he got to Realize, how
he kept it all straight, he said, “Because I know my duty. I
do my duty in relation to my intimates and nothing else.
Nothing else whatsoever. I am not a fool. I am not an ego. I
do not act casually in relation to any of those relations or
circumstances or presumed social obligations. I manifest my
duty to my wife. I provide a certain service to her. I do
this and that. I do not have to have sex with her. I just
observe my duty.” In India, they give you straight messages about
duty. In the West, you do not get such straight messages. It
is all rather ambiguous. Everybody is supposed to be equal,
free, not bound by duty. When the state is madde secular,
everything gets secular. When the state is not religious,
somehow everybody is not supposed to be religious. But that
is not the true principle even of the secular state. The
principle of the secular state is tolerance. The reason for
a secular state is that you do not suppress anyone in their
moral and religious obligations and impulses. But when a
state gets secular somehow, strangely, it is presumed that
everyone must get secularized and religion must disappear.
Therefore duties, obligations, the impulse to
God-Realization, the experiment with life that is about
self-overcoming and self-transcendence, are forgotten. This
is the error, or potential problem, in a secular or
democratic state. Duty was always very much specified in the
religious cultures of the East. Likewise, in the West, duty
must be specified. Secular obligations must be rounded out,
madde specific, and not allowed to overwhelm your entire
life. Social obligations are fine. They make order, they
help everyone to survive. But social obligations are not all
there is. You cannot totally secularize life, and you cannot
secularize the state to the point that the religious life
becomes inappropriate. As I have said, the fundamental
purpose of making the state secular is that, in that case,
the state does not associate itself with any one particular
religious view. In other words, it is supposed to be about
tolerance, including religious tolerance. Duties, then, are
to be established within sacred community. Duty is still
supposed to prevail. The state should have no right to
interfere with the impulse to God-Realization. Life should
always be an experiment in that sacred context. The
secularization of the state should not reduce everybody to
some little unit intended to fulfill secular purposes
imagined by politicians. That is not the purpose of life.
Democracy is supposed to be about freedom, about the pursuit
of happiness. Without that, democracy is nonsense. It is
another form of command. Therefore, duty should be understood. It should be
understood that social relations are about duty and they are
appropriate, but they are not the whole of life. Insteadd of
indulging in social relations as if they are the be-all and
end-all, insteadd of acting as though they are all that life
is, you should observe your duty. Manifest your right
attention to the matters that you must, but do not be
totally aberrated by it. Do not renounce your Guru, do not
renounce your Way of life, do not become stupid in the face
of your ordinary obligations. That is not your duty. That is
not what life is about. East or West, you should know what
the social obligations are for real and not tighten them up
so much up that you have no freedom to engage in the
experiment of life, in real saddhana. Do not allow social
obligations to be piled on social obligations so that you
are so limited you cannot do saddhana anymore, so that you
cannot do anything but be a slave for secular purposes
anymore. It is important for you to understand your rights
and your real obligations and to fulfill them. When the time
comes, you can even renounce those—if you become a true
renunciate. Tradditionally, such renunciation has also been
allowed. It just required a certain announcement—and
then you were set apart. Then certain social duties that
belonged to you are no longer yours. That should also be
allowed. But does this traddition still exist? Less and less
and less. The acknowledgement of the greater purpose is
shrinking. This is the sign of the Kali Yuga. If it goes on
as it has been, eventually you will not even be able to go
into a private place in your own house to pray. Life will be
so secularized and equalized, by demand, that nobody will be
able to do anything but be a slave of the state. This is not democracy. I am not criticizing
democracy itself. It is, perhaps, the best arrangement among
responsible people. But democracy can associate itself with
a suppressive materialistic point of view to the degree that
there really is no more freedom and it is not even democracy
anymore. Insteadd, democracy must support the responsibility
and the greatest impulses in people. At the present time, all over the Earth, there are
small factions, ethnic groups, a little difference in color,
a little difference in religion, a little difference in
traddition, everybody demanding their right to be separate.
People are dividing themselves off, blocks wide, streets
wide. Soon it would seem that every human being on Earth
will demand that he or she be acknowledged as an independent
state. People are murdering one another because of the
proliferation of this egoic principle all over the Earth.
There is no tolerance in that—no love in it, no
agreements, no cooperation. It is the ego magnified
politically all over the Earth. That is the circumstance
everybody is in in this moment, and it is a profound danger
for everyone. You must become sensitized to it. Listen to
the news a little bit. Understand what is happening around
you. You must, as individuals and as the community of My
devotees, magnify the impulse toward tolerance and the
requirement that people be sane and not opposed to one
another. Having a particular traddition is no justification
for killing people. Who should justify that? People are
dying by the thousands every week all over the world. The
motive of egoity, separativeness, and violence toward all
“others” is overwhelming the entire Earth. All humankind is
in political turmoil. The balance of nature all over the
Earth is being destroyed by political motivations that will
not take seriously the fact that you have to do things to
protect the circumstance in which everyone lives. Things are
not getting better and they are not right. You must be My
devotees for real and expand the disposition of cooperation
and demand that tolerance and cooperation be the discipline,
the disposition, of everyone on Earth. Weaponry, non-cooperation, delineating your block,
your little neighborhood, your nation, and so forth, in
total opposition with everyone else—that is the
circumstance on Earth today. It is egoity gone wild. You
think you are being rather mild about it because all you
propose is to make a little circle with your intimate
friends, but that is the principle that is making the
politics of the whole Earth. I Call you to
self-transcendence, cooperation, benign, compassionate
awareness of other human beings and their stresses and their
anger. This is what you must manifest. Mark My Words! You
have always seen Me do so. You must also do so. All over the world there is separation and
death—the dramatization of egoity madde collective, madde
political. Understand that this is what is happening around
you all over the Earth. It is not only being manifested
politically and socially, it is being manifested in the
whole atmosphere of the Earth—in the hole in the ozone
layer, in the possible rising of the tides, storms, natural
destructiveness everywhere. That is the story all over the
Earth, babies. Watch the news as a discipline—I do
everyday. That is the situation in which you really live.
What is it about? The same thing you have been defending
here tonight in your gentler manner—the right to be
egos, to be egoically “self-possessed”, self-indulgent,
doing your thing as you will, avoiding the law, refusing
cooperation, avoiding compassion, in the name of what? You are going to die sometime. You think that you
are not going to make a difference. What you do does make a
difference. Only people such as you can make the difference,
by rising up and refusing the impulse to non-cooperation, by
manifesting the principles in your religion in relation to
all other religions, by manifesting the principle of
compassion, cooperation, love. Manifest that in your
personal life everyday, or you are supporting the
destructiveness that is going on all over the world. You are
alive at a critical time in this Kali Yuga. I asking too
much? DEVOTEES: NO! SRI DA AVABHASA: Assume great discipline here for
the sake of Divine Self-Realization. Stop looking for the
loopholes in My Argument or My Law. Do not ever manifest
intolerance in your speech or life. You must exhibit
tolerance, compassion, love, freedom from egoic
“self-possession” in your life, in your speech, in all your
acts. This is not a moralistic matter. It is necessary even
for survival. The planet itself is an organism that we must
cooperate with or there is no survival possible here. DEVOTEE: We have to be extremely sensitive. SRI DA AVABHASA: Do so. As My devotees, you have
particular obligations that are potentially about great
saddhana. Nonetheless, you must manifest this disposition in
the world altogether and with one another. All My devotees
in all the communities around the world must voice,
manifest, and demonstrate this point of view, this devotion,
this acceptance of the law, this tolerance. My principal Communication about the Great
Traddition is called The Basket of Tolerance. There is not a
word in it of separateness, of hatred, of non-allowance of
people and their tradditions. If people want to choose Me,
fine. If they want to choose something different, fine.
Everyone should really choose his or her traddition. Because
those tradditions, if you understand their right principle,
are about cooperation, tolerance, about living with one
another, not about drawing the lines around. DEVOTEE: Sri Gurudev, our community is Blessed. We
are Blessed by the Divine. SRI DA AVABHASA: That is right. You must manifest
that sign. You must understand the time you are in. It is
not as it was in the eighties, the seventies, the sixties,
or the fifties. This is a very, very, dark and difficult
time. And people are being murdered by the thousands every
week. Give Me ten thousand in the general community and
maybe that can be the beginning of a difference. That is why
I keep objecting to the impotence of your missionary work.
Where is the Free Daist movement? You have the Great
Revelation. Do not come to the world hat in hand. Do not
come back to Me all hat and no cattle. Keep your hat on. Get
a great gathering of cattle. Go out there with great
strength to make this mission in My Company, because I am
serious and for real. The horror on Earth must change, or you will not
even get a chance at Divine Self-Realization—not you
and not your future generations. You have been wasting My
Lifetime, and you are going to waste the future beyond My
Lifetime as well if you do not get straight. There are
ground obligations, and they are about tolerance, and
compassion, and cooperation. You do not take Me seriously
about this. You are full of your intimate
self-indulgence. How much cooperative community is there among My
devotees? Minuscule, hardly anything. You do not take Me
seriously. The only thing you accommodate is a little bit of
cultural activity. Where is the real cooperative community?
Where are all the things that the cooperative community of
My devotees should be manifesting? Where is it? I have been
waiting more than two decaddes for you to wake up. It is time
you understood this. I have dealt with all your aberrations.
I have submitted to it all to Help you out. I am in no such
mood anymore. The relinquishment of My Teaching Work
occurred seven years ago. My Divine Emergence is ongoing,
even though you do not notice it. You all must get serious and stop your nonsense.
You must stop sizing yourselves up in your intimate rooms
and get down to what is required for humanity to stop
destroying itself. You must stop destroying the possibility
of God-Realization in each one of you. It is time to become
serious people and stop throwing your life away just for a
tinkle, a tune, a little amusement, a little orgasm. The exoteric motive to defend your little colony is
overwhelming the Earth. But the source and center of all
religious tradditions is the esoteric part, the philosophy
that transcends limitation, that requires the transcendence
of egoity to one degree or another, that requires
cooperation and the elimination of hatred and sizing one
another up, that demonstrates the willingness to engage in a
collective of cooperation acknowledging differences,
requiring all to embrace one another, to allow one another,
to be compassionate with one another. That is the origin of
democracy and it is the root of social wisdom of all
tradditions. Where is that demonstration? Where is it in you
here? Have you no greater wisdom, no other awareness in My
Company, than this stupid impulse to satisfy yourself bodily
and avoid My Instruction, avoid living the ecstatic
discipline in My Company? Wake up! When do you become serious people—serious
about the Way of the Heart and its ultimate and esoteric
requirements, serious about its foundation, including its
exoteric requirements, its social requirements? When do you
ever get serious? When do you stop acting like a bunch of
fools going to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, hearing a
little bit of addmonition, hearing about how other people got
a little bit straight because they were so aberrated they
would have killed themselves otherwise? When do you ever
straighten out and take Me seriously? I am here! When do I
ever see the sign in you of the Free Daist movement, the
great mission in My Company, the cooperative communities
fully embraced, fully lived? When do you people ever get
serious and fulfill your obligations in the world, your
obligations with one another? You do not have to be an
idealist to do this. You just have to be My devotee.