Bubba Free John (Adi Da Samraj) describes his Awakening
‘experience’ – 1974
Adi Da Samraj (Bubba Free John):
Because that transformation so called was not in itself a
modification of light and consciousness. It was not an
event. All events are modifications. They are a great
vision, a great experience, and a great sensation of some
sort. They are karmic for that reason. They are just simply
modifications of one’s ultimate condition. But in this case,
they were simply falling into that condition, so there was
no modification to read it through or show it through.
That perfect realization that occurs entirely
independent. A whole life of transformations, cognitions,
perceptions. There is no way to pick it out then and
identify it, although it manifested as a kind of obviousness
that it can’t be described in experiential terms and as time
passed after that event, for the whole course of life that
is changed, became a different kind of dimension to deal
with. And after that time, perfect illumination changed
life, but that illumination was not in itself a change of
love. So there is no way to describe it in experiential
terms. It does not make any difference, that transformation,
that realization. It just starts making a difference after
Group comments/questions: Not like a behavior
modification where you know stuff changes sometimes. You
don’t even notice the change in yourself. There was no
change in myself. What you said, you said it was as if you
had walked through yourself.
Adi Da Samraj: Oh yeah, this was after the fact
though as days and weeks passed. It was like, after that
point I began to live as that one. It was previous to that
time. The movements in me were from the modified point of
view. The life point of view. And now that all of that was
severed, I didn’t have anyway to identify with it in the
conventional sense. All those conventions were undone, but
it only became obvious that that was so after living it for
hours and days to the point where I could say something
Group question/comment: You mean for a while it
was like you didn’t know whether or not this was like an
experience you had like in the seminary?
Adi Da Samraj: No, it’s just that after a while I
began to notice life again. It was falling into an entirely
transcended condition. Ordinary media of life were carried
on in the usual way. There is no way I could possibly
describe it to you in anyway that would make sense.
Group question/comment: Is it possible that it’s
so usual and ordinary, that the only time that it becomes
unusual is when these karmic processes start acting upon you
and then you suddenly realize how, you know, then it becomes
unusual, you know, but otherwise it’s ordinary and
Adi Da Samraj: The perfect of the God state is the
only natural state. Everything else is disturbance. Because
if you knew really what you were up to, you would more than
give a shit. By becoming wild, a person loses all sense of
the consequences of what he’s up to, what he’s really living
in the midst of, what his responsibilities are. It’s a
spiritus freedom. Like a guy on a motorcycle, Hells Angels.
It’s not real freedom.
The kinds of things that you all are always noticing
about yourselves, these experiences, the phenomenon, these
qualities, are in the domain of life of modification and
nothing whatever to do with the ultimate condition that the
spiritual processes really deal with. It’s all in the, all
the things that people are always observing are in this
circle of love. And it’s all very impressive because they
have by tendency identified with that or in some cases by
tendency wanting not to be identified with it, being
detached from it. But all of that isn’t the plane of
energies of manifestation. The matter of realization is at
the horizontal level in the plane of consciousness and in
the plane of consciousness there are no karmas.
The matter of understanding is not a matter of karmic
destiny or experiences or any of the rest. And so that
perfect enjoyment that is understanding is not a matter of a
change of space, of a purification of perfection of vision
of seeing something about life, gaining of a siti
(phonetically). It’s not about any of that, it’s about
falling into the dimension that is consciousness itself,
very consciousness. From that point of view, all of the
dramas that arise within the circle of manifest existence
become clear and changes occur within it. Within all of that
perhaps. You assume a role within in from a humorous and
theatrical point of view perhaps. But none of that has
anything to do with it. None of it. The perfections of it
have nothing to do with it and it is possible for a person
to realize the very nature of real God as this condition and
be a total asshole from the external point of view.
5 – Method of the Siddha’s
DEVOTEE: Could this go unnoticed?
ADI DA: Absolutely. I was talking earlier
this evening about the event in the Vedanta Temple,
which I have described in The Knee of Listening.
Nothing happened at that time. There was nothing
left over. There wasn’t some little particle of me
that said, “Ah, yes. It is all over now, and I have
realized the Self.” No one knew that anything had
happened to me. I had just gone down to the
bookstore that afternoon, and I came home again. We
had dinner and watched television. Nothing had
DEVOTEE: It was no big deal.
BUBBA: No. All big deals are shy of it. The
absolute thing is unmentionable. But it involves a
profound intuitive realization that becomes
apparent when things begin to arise again in a very
different way. The implications of the Vedanta
Temple event began to clarify themselves as time
passed, but in itself that event wasn’t even an
event. It was simply the falling out of all
conditional realizations, all conditional
meditation. It was the falling out of the separate
self life and strategy of Narcissus. So there was
nothing left to cognize. It was all very
DEVOTEE: No ecstasy? No relief?
BUBBA: No. No blisses. No kundalini. No
energy ecstasies. No life-force transcendence.
There was no limited witnesser, no enjoyer. There
was nothing to enjoy. Everything had been released
into its ordinariness. There was no sublimity, no
extraordinary thing. As time went on everything
that continued to arise, ordinary and
extraordinary, showed itself over against the
perfect Self. That perfect Self knew without
limitation the things of this world which were
formerly known in the conventional way. A new
Siddhi of existence began to manifest. In itself
that perfect transformation is not even an event.
It is unmentionable. It is prior to all conditions,
prior to life, prior to realizations.
Be an absolute failure, an impure cocksucker. (Laughing)
With no siddhis, no experiences, and no visions. No
illuminations. Not understanding much about life and all the
rest because he has fallen into that great intuition and
that’s what it’s all about. All the rest is karmic
All things that arise within the dimension of the life
circle, all of that is karma. How the spiritual process
reveals itself as experience in your case is entirely
karmic, it has nothing whatever to do with how the self
manifests. It’s what occurs to you on the way. And some
people have visions and some people have nothing but a more
and more intensified intuition of the nature of very
consciousness. It does not mean that one or the other is to
be preferred, it’s just that the whole circle of manifest
energy of life is itself karmic in nature part from perfect
realization. So all the experiences that arise are
themselves karma. They are not illumination. They are
The work that I must do, requires me to be able to deal
with a live circle because that’s where people are locked
in. It’s all kinds of theater that gets played in my case
but that does not mean that all that is secondary, it is. It
serves the process but it is all secondary, a karmic affair
and the group must be able to enter into the karmic
dimension of life.
Devotee: But he does so, though, from the point of
view beyond karma, does he not? So that what he does then
has perfect form always.
Adi Da Samraj (Bubba Free John): It’s always
appropriate. It’s not necessarily always perfect from any
ideal point of view.
Random voices from group: I have seen you drop
things though. (laughing) Because your bowling form is
awfully good. He can bowl 300. It looked like 300, just give
it a little time. Little practice.
Adi Da Samraj (Bubba Free John): You should not
get the idea that the guru is always to do everything right
on. You know, when he bowls, he has to bowl 300. When it
occurs that way, that’s fine, that’s the way it should
happen in that case, but it is not necessary for it to be
that. The guru is not here to be the, you know, superhero in
some external way to take over the world and that’s his
great dramatic qualities. He is to serve the spiritual
process and any possible quality is one that he may manifest
at one time or another for that sake of process in
…rambing discussion about Ramakrishna……..
Group talk: It isn’t setting an example for us
now. Not now. Now that the teaching is all out, you don’t
have to be an example. Ramakrishna though on a life level
was manifested as an example.
Adi Da Samraj (Bubba Free John): He was an
exemplary devotee. In other words, he didn’t only teach the
way of devotion, the himself lived as a devotee always. He
didn’t outwardly say I am the avatar, I am the manifest
Divine and turn to me. And dramatize his teaching work in
that way, or the way Shidi Sai Baba. Shidi Sai Baba who also
in a way, and every guru manifestation is in someway an
example. But specifically Ramakrishna’s activity was always
in the direction of being an example of the teaching. Shidi
Sai Baba ‘s activity was more in the direction of being the
object of such sadhana than it was to be an example of it.
Although he also was exemplary.
group talking….unclear question.
Adi Da Samraj (Bubba Free John): This whole world
is the play of limitation. The guru has no bondage to that
play any longer. He doesn’t have his own karma in any sense
but the play exists and he has related to it in freedom as
the core of that universal manifestation. So, he plays it
theatrically with humor.
group talking….unclear question.
Adi Da Samraj (Bubba Free John): Karma is simply
tendencies in unconsciousness, binding contract with the
affair of manifest existence in which you have no prior
illumination. There is no karma for one who lives in his
perfect condition. One who lives in the Divine consciously.
There can be no karma, then there can be manifestation but
it is not karmic, it is simply play.
Question: Before you had your ______ sadna (phonetically)
was karmically, but only from the standpoint _______ But you
talked about severing before, ______ about the severing of
the _______, Yet there was still limitation implication
before your final realization ______ isn’t that true?
Sure. The severing of the sahasvar (phonetically) is an
event with low life circle, which what we were talking about
in the Avanta Temple (phonetically) was the perfect
intuition relative to consciousness, which was non-karmic,
which has nothing to do with the life manifestation in
Question: Could we refer to that as a perfect
coalescence? _____ becoming one with consciousness?
There is no separation. That’s the significance of all
these descriptions of Am Ra Ti Nadi (phonetically) and their
realization that the plane of consciousness is distinguished
from the plane force, mere realization in the plane of life
or force is distinguished from the plane of consciousness.
Am Ra Ti Nadi (phonetically) represents that perfect
intuition and conscious force Sheeba Shakti
Question: So then the Sheeba Shakti in here is in the Am
Ra Ti Nadi?
The upper terminal is the God light or the source of all
manifest forms, shakti in other words. The lower terminal is
the heart, the plane of consciousness, the perfect intuition
of real God, the self. When this intuition is a single one,
and there is no distinction between those two great aspects
of the universal or perfect manifestation.
Question: In the later pages, they don’t refer to shakti
at all. And yet a shakti seems to be regenerated within the
Am Ra Ti Nada and comes forth through the ______.
It’s not the shakti though. It’s the shakti placed in
proper relationship to the ultimate Divine. The devi force,
which is the God force, which is quite a different thing
from mere shakti. That’s just the play of energies, which
create changes. Some which seem benign but which is not
ultimately imply the God realization.
Comment: Then the devi has the manifest portion of the
guru. It means that the guru becomes less manifest in his
In the exclusive sense. In other words, he is no longer
limited to the activities of a single psychophysical
organism that he calls himself and that others refer to him
as. The agency of his own psychophysical form becomes more
and more obsolete to the degree that there are, to the
degree that the devi forces allows and that requires that
there be living beings who are true devotees. And that’s why
I’ve talked a lot about something that looks like
retirement, in my case withdrawing from a lot of these
activities. Because the ashram (phonetically) takes on those
functions, the psychophysical agency, and this one becomes
The ashram (phonetically) asks the same way as the
psychophysical form acted. The ashram served precisely the
same way the psychophysical form served. In the case the
ashram has many many vehicles.
Question: Is that what you meant by _____?
Yeah, that vision of the door house is certainly related
to my own work, sure. The devi is the dawn horse.
Question: Is that also related to the opening up of the
work to the world, so that the devotees will take on the
function of explaining to the world what their work is? In
other words, when he says the ______ was unpleased, it was
just a manifestation as to ____
Now it’s all the working out in these devotees.
Comment: That’s why it’s not in one sense.
Question: ________ it seems like in the last month or so,
at least what I have been aware of, it’s accelerating, it’s
getting more intense and at an accelerated pace and
continuing to accelerate.
Sure, until you realize it perfectly. The acceleration,
the change, is in you. This is how you read it. It is not
changing. It is a given. But you realize it by degrees and
the more perfect that realization, the more that intensity
is felt. This seems to be increasing then, but it’s not the
intensity that is increasing, it is your realization of
Comment: Unclear (laughing).
I can imagine having nothing whatever to do with the
ashram (phonetically) at some point.
Comment: Oh I can’t imagine that (laughing).
Without actually, without having to dry I can imagine
leaving the ashram. I don’t think it is very likely, but it
is one possible way.
Comment: You still have your degree from _______
I never got a degree.
Group comments, unclear.
Also possibly of leaving the ashram for a stated period
of time. Having no contact with the ashram whatsoever for a
year or two years, however long.
Group comments, unclear.
And just requiring the ashram to do what I have asked
everyone to do during that time without any assumption of my
availability on a human level. That is a way of intensifying
the ashram’s grasp of its responsibilities, of its state in
______ and all the rest.
Comment/Question: Do you think that’s really a good
It’s a possible good idea. It depends on how the Ashram
is working, you know. What it requires for that point to be
Comment: That’s a nice threat.
While I am physically present every day in the Ashram,
all of this can go on, then such a lesson like that is not
Comment: You’re talking about opening these other
centers, now San Francisco is pretty together mainly because
you have dealt with everybody there on a personal level.
Well, you know, but like talking about opening in Boston and
stuff and a handful across and you know sign up 20 or 30
people brand new, I really don’t see how they can get it
together without you know, a lot of personal contact with
Well probably that’s the way it will have to take place.
Yeah, I agree. I’m not talking about something that I am
talking of doing next week. There may be a time when it is
appropriate to do such a thing.
The guru’s psychophysical death is a lesson on the same
order, all of a sudden everybody has to get it together.
And, you know without having to die, the same lesson can be
taught if it is necessary. If the same lesson is already
being taught by my withdrawing in various ways, just leaving
things alone in various areas for periods of time. It’s not
a way of just becoming independent of the Ashram, it’s a way
to requiring the Ashram to take on its proper function. It’s
not an abandonment, it’s a fall of teaching, in which if it
is done at the right time and in the proper way, the Ashram
does begin to fulfill it’s functions better. It also begins
to live self some more as it is, not as a cultic life with a
human individual but as life in God and Divine communion. So
the guru takes whatever opportunities he must take in order
to place his devotees in that more perfect seltsun
(phonetically). And, if that can be done without his
complete withdrawal physically, that way if the lesson is
gained by that withdrawal, if it’s necessary he can do it
that way. All kinds of ways to play it, it all depends on
the quality that the Ashram demonstrates. But it clearly
isn’t anything that could be done tomorrow. The Ashram is
really not even like adolescent. The Ashram really has to
grow dramatically. It is still operating at 20 watts. It is
still very childish and people require from me, very
childish consolations where they should be busy doing it
instead of expecting me to be something like an entertainer
or consoling presence. Get them into line week after week,
why should that be necessary anymore, but it still is.
In The Knee of Listening I have described this
“event” in my own case. When there was this simple, radical
turnabout, there was nothing about it that would have
appeared remarkable to anyone who might have observed me. I
didn’t smile. I didn’t feel high. There was no reaction to
that event, because there wasn’t anything left over of the
thing that now was thrown away. There was no thing to which
I could react. There was no one to react, to feel good about
it, happy about it. There was no peculiar emotion to the
event itself. The Heart was all. Its quality became more and
more apparent. There was a preliminary period of that
fundamental enjoyment which lasted for perhaps several
months. During that time there was no longer this whole
complex life in dilemma, but I didn’t really function in any
way different than before. I didn’t experience any
comparative impression about the event. I didn’t really
“see” or interpret it clearly and fully for a good period of
time, even though I consciously enjoyed a state that was
untouched, unqualified by any event or circumstance, which
would seem remarkable in itself. But I hadn’t begun to
function as it in relation to manifest life. Only when I
did so, and then only gradually, was I able to estimate and
know my own event. It was as if I had walked through myself.
Such a state is perfectly spontaneous. It has no way of
watching itself. It has no way to internalize or structure
itself. It is Divine madness. The Self, the Heart is perfect
madness. There is not a jot of form within it. There is no
thing. No thing has happened. There is not a single movement
in consciousness. And that is its blissfulness. It was not
the fact that certain functions of internal life had been
stimulated. It was peculiarly free of vision, movement, and
all the blissful phenomena characteristic of the activities
of yoga-shakti. And when such phenomena did happen to arise,
they were of another kind, or they were known from a new
point of view. Their qualities had become cosmic and
universal rather than yogic or personal in nature. Until
there is only God, the living One.